Thanksgiving

Money can't buy a wonderful family...I am truly blessed.

I'm one of those people who is always lamenting. I've just found that it's rejuvenating to admit those things that bother me. But, lately, with the sleep deprivation and the adjustment of the new baby, I think I've focused more on the downside of things. And don't get me wrong, in addition to adjusting to life with a baby, Rich and I have had a tough fall. Things just haven't been going our way. Things have been hard financially, Rich has been traveling to New Jersey for work, Declan hasn't been a great sleeper, and Rich's mom is sick. All of the stress has definitely taken a toll and sometimes it seems like things will never turn around.

But the thing that I didn't expect was that all of this hardship would humble me and make me more grateful for the things that I do have. It's amazing how being on a tight budget can make every opportunity feel so special. I think before this, I spent several hundred dollars a month on things like coffee and take out. I think Papa Murphy's is seriously missing all the money I was spending on pizza. What would Suzie Orman say?

Rich is gone part of the time and it's so hard to be on call 24 hours a day. Before Declan, I would spend my summer vacations reading and lounging. I don't think I'd even know what to do with a whole day, let alone summer, now. I used to get at least eight hours of sleep a night, and honestly it was more like nine. And I am not a nice person when I'm tired. It's like I'm the Hulk, but instead of turning green, I have crazy eyes and ratted hair. Either way, I scare people when I venture out in public. But again, I wouldn't trade all the free time in the world for the love and devotion I feel for my son.

I watched Oprah's pay it forward challenge the other day, and I could not stop crying. All of the stories were amazingly touching, but there were two that really made me stop and think about all of the amazing things in my life. One was a 75 year old man who had to drop out of elementary school to take care of his family. It was his life's aspiration, his highest dream, to learn to read. He had been auditing a first grade classroom and was reading at a first grade level, and the challenge winner decided to spend her $1,000.00 to buy him a box of books. And the look in this man's eyes when he opened this box was of such wonder and thankfulness. He was drawn to tears just looking at this treasure chest. And I couldn't help but think of how lucky this man would think I am. What could I possibly have to complain about? In addition to living in a safe community, with a college education, I have a warm home in the winter and a closet full of clothes...and bookshelves full of books I've read.

The other story was of a woman whose boyfriend had shot her in the face with a shotgun. This woman was horribly disfigured and the challenge winner gave her $2600 for a facial surgery. Here I am worrying about the last few pounds I want to lose or going to the store looking messy! On top of that, I have a beautiful, healthy baby. Which makes me want to tell another story from that show, but I won't. In fact, I could go through all of the touching stories and my reaction would be the same: I was just so struck by how much I take the ease and comfort of my life for granted.

Another inspiring experience I've had lately was seeing Jeanette Walls speak at KU a few weeks ago. She wrote a book about her life called The Glass Castle. Anyone who's read it knows where I'm going with this. Jeanette's parents did horrific things to their children. They watched the kids starve and bought themselves alcohol and chocolate. They exposed them to molesters and vagrants. The story is sometimes too horrible to believe and yet it happened. And it is happening for many people right now. But when I saw Walls speak, she said that when bad things happen, you can hold onto them because of their horror or you can look at them as opportunities to make a change. She called her worst memory, when her father offered her up as a prize in a pool game to an older man, a gift because it motivated her to get out. I've never seen that kind of hardship and I hope I never will.

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for perspective. Because I can see all the things I don't have or the mountain of things that I do. It just matters where I'm looking.