Sober

Truth be told, Rich and I don't have a ton, outwardly, in common. I love Bravo and Rich watches Squidbillies. Enough said. What? You've never heard of Squidbillies? Then you must not be a squid or a hillbilly.

But, we both love to go out, and have been known to enjoy a drink or two. And, neither of us have many close friends with kids. In fact, we both have quite a few that aren't even married. So you can imagine that a weekend with our friends does not include trips to the zoo or afternoons in the park.

Rich's college friends were in town this weekend, and we had a ton of fun. In fact, I currently have a large bottle of Captain Morgan on my counter. It has a handle. Not that this would be even noteworthy in our pre-child existence, but now it's just so incongruous sitting next to sippy cups and bibs.

Needless to say, when Rich left for New Jersey this week, I was struggling. Not because I'd had too much to drink (I was, in fact, kinda lame) but because I didn't sleep while they were here. So, I was hoping for a nice, relaxing few days with Declan....

And you can all see where this is going, since you are aware that my son is a peach, not an apple. Thank you again for your wisdom, Kung Fu Panda.

So yesterday was just tough all around. It was raining, so no park. Declan was fussy every few minutes, so no relaxing. Then we went to the McDonald's play land. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but as a life long vegetarian, it's not usually on my list. So you know I was going to desperate measures, but what else do you do with a little road runner when he's fussy at home? And I love sweets, so we splurged and split a McFlurry. I mean, I should just end the story here, because all you really need to know is that McFlurry sent sugar surging through my little Speedy Gonzales. And you can imagine what happened next. There was lots of wiggling, pointing, stomping, and running. And by the time we went home, I was more than pooped. And it was only 3:30. Oh the irony.

After a few hours at home filled with teary demands, which mostly resulted in me carrying D around the house, it was finally time for bath. Yes! Declan can entertain himself in the bath and it means bedtime is right around the corner. I'm not ashamed to admit that I covet bedtime. It means I can actually do things like check my email and, you know, pee, without interruption. My reward for a long, trying day, is the few hours I get at night to do whatever I want...as long as I stay in the house. But that's another blog for another day. We're talking about the bath.

So Declan's having a great time. He's drinking from his bucket and coughing then laughing hysterically and doing it again. And I got him pretty much all done when he paused. And Declan does not pause. If anything he calms down to "play" from "fast forward", but pausing is relatively unknown in this house. I hear a little grunt, and...flurp! two brown buddies popped up to the surface.

I know this isn't incredibly uncommon, but for me it was instant panic. I scooped him out, searched for something to catch the poops in, and frantically grabbed at them. And while I was doing that, I was also holding Declan, throwing them into the toilet, preventing Declan from scooping them out again, and trying to keep poo off any unnecessary surfaces. I have never, ever truly multitasked until I was a mom. Hands down, I will put the skill I learned in that moment against anything I learned in college or in the "real world". I might try the whole one-man-band thing next.