Oh BOY!

I grew up in a female family. My dad was in my life, but day in day out I lived with my mom and my sister. And we did girly things. We shopped and cried, we took dance and voice lessons, and we thought farts and burps were gross. I even had two step sisters for 10 years, adding to my girly existence. Boys were a mystery to me. So much so that I spent most of my teens with debilitating long distance crushes. I always envied my friends who seemed to be able to relate to boys without any sense of fear. I was terrified. Cut to 15 years later, and I've just found out I'm having my second boy. So I've gone from boys being exotic and unrelatable to them being the only people in my immediate family circle.

When I envisioned myself as a mother, it was always, always with girls. Two girls that would be sisters who I could shop, cry, dance, and sing with. So when I found out Ooooh was a boy, I had my moment. Not only would I not have the two girls I envisioned, I won't have any. All the ways I imagined my motherhood going are now officially off the table.

There is a special kind of mourning that happens when what you believe will be your future becomes impossible. But, that's all it ever was. I was mourning an idea, not a real person, not a real relationship. I'll never get to do pigtails or pick out pink outfits and tutus and barbies. But along with any wistful hope out the window comes a fierce protectiveness for Ooooh and how much I love him already. I would never be upset at anything he is. Part of being a mother is the awe and adoration you feel for your children, and Ooooh is no exception. I won't have pigtails, but I will have him. And beyond a fantasy, I know to the depths of my being that I would never, ever trade the things that he will bring for what a little girl could. I am officially a boy mom, and I couldn't be prouder.

And my husband is a second boy. His parents were going to name him Amanda Lynn if he was a girl and I'm sure they felt the same sadness over their idea of what she was going to be like. But they got Rich instead, and I've never met anyone like him. I can only hope that Ooooh will be half as kind, selfless, smart, and handsome as his second son daddy.

So, what was once a mystery is now my reality. I can't wait to meet you, Ooooh.