Rejuvenation

This weekend, I got to spend time with two mothers who had baby boys in the same week that Declan was born. Sometimes, this can feel totally isolating, but other times, it's like you're in a new club that was previously closed.

I knew I'd have a great time with Benton as soon as she apologized for her cat. I told her we had two cats and a dog and her eyes got big "me too!". I then explained that I wasn't a great pet-mommy because my animals were on Craigslist. Her eyes sparkled "mine too!". At that moment, I knew we were kindred spirits. She has a bigfatbaby too. We laughed about spending our days in the living room, and how a trip to the store is now a big outing. It's important to know that Benton has always been glamorous. In college, when everyone else had a Bud Light, she had a glass of wine...at The Wheel. She was ready for fine dining and first class traveling when everyone else was deciding whether to use the Porto-potty or go behind a car. So I wasn't surprised that when I saw her she was wearing a cute, hot pink maxi dress. She promptly explained that she had to wear the terry dress because it was just like a towel and could absorb spit up. Meanwhile, I was envisioning my dirty tank top and pj pants. We had a great visit, her son, Axel, was so sweet and time flies when you're talking baby poop. She walked me out and as I turned to say bye, Axel, who was grinning ear-to-ear, spit up all over her. She nodded to the terry dress. That, folks, is the essence of motherhood.

Melissa is on her second baby. Caleb is 22 months and Evan is 5. Do the math. This poor lady has been pregnant or dealing with a newborn for a loooong time. She still manages to make all of Evan's food from scratch, play educational games with Caleb, work part-time, and find every great baby bargain there is. It's insane. It was such a relief to see all of the different approaches she was taking and how they played out in the family. She gives her 5-month-old formula and started him on solids really early. They've already cried it out with him. These are two things that all the babycenter moms say are no-nos, but Evan doesn't wake up every two hours like Declan and he's a happy, smiling baby who loves his mommy. Caleb watches TV, another so-called controversy...except that he is smart and engaging and loves to play outside. He is incredibly verbal and fun.

So why all the hoopla? I swear it's like everything that parents can do to ease their burden and gain some sanity ends up being controversial...for no reason whatsoever. I think if I listened to everything that books and the Internet say about babies, I'd be letting Declan rule everything about my life. Unintentionally, of course, but isn't this how we get in situations like you see on Nanny 911?

Cut to eight years from now, my Gary Busey hair has turned into Amy Winehouse's, my face is haggard. My kids are throwing temper tantrums in my severely messy house while I'm eating Cheetos and watching TV, my only break from the incessant whining and demands...but I didn't let them cry it out, that would be bad for them...

How do I sift through all the conflicting messages? Right now, I'm trusting the real-life examples that I see instead of the hypothetical "perfection" in books. Wish me luck. Maybe I should just stop reading babycenter...