Operation Chubby

So everyone keeps asking me how Declan liked Christmas. Ummm...he didn't know it was happening? He basically stared at all of his presents and ripped on piece of wrapping paper before moving on. He likes his new toys though, so the fruit of Christmas, or should I say the spirit of Christmas was greatly appreciated by my little papoose.

Declan had his nine month appointment on the 19th, and it didn't quite go as planned. While Declan's height is in the 95th percentile, his height/weight ratio is now in the 20th. What happened to my bigfatbaby? After mildly hyperventilating, I explained that he's been crawling and is extremely mobile and my doctor (you know what she thinks about my explanations) immediately gave me the business. She said all babies his age are extremely mobile so it doesn't count. Then she really freaked me out by telling me that babies his age really need fat for brain development. So you know what that means? The first time he struggles on a test or is slow to pick something up, I'll spend the whole week blaming myself for not giving him enough fat when he was 8 months old. It's okay though, I got her back by keeping her for another 30 minutes rehashing all the reasons why Declan might not have gained weight. Maybe next time she'll think twice before shaming me.

Needless to say, the moment I got home, I started Operation Chubby. I went to the store and bought $65.00 worth of full fat dairy products. That's a lot of dairy, people! Then I made him some new food and instead of steaming the veggies, I sauteed them in butter, and instead of using water in the puree, I used heavy cream. The result: deliciousness. As God is my witness, Big Fat Baby will rise again!

We doubled his meal portions (he ate it all) and started giving him snacks twice a day. And instead of saying no to cookies, I bought baby D his first Nilla Wafers. No more water to dilute the juice! He gets the good stuff now.

And after a week of this, I took him to the doctor to have his ears looked at. I was more anxious to weigh him than to find out about the ears (they are fine). All the fat and carbs have to be working, right? I mean, he is my son. His weight? 20 Fing pounds! Not 20.1, not 20.2. 20 on the dot. Seriously. We nearly doubled D's food, which he was totally receptive to and which really broke my heart because I became convinced I must have been starving him. But 20 pounds? Not even an ounce gained? He even looks chubbier!

Short of creating a butter IV, I'm not sure what I can do to make this kid a chubster again. But, damn it, I'm going to try. Wish me luck.

We are off to Mexico on Friday, which I'm sure will mean I'll have a ton to report when we get back, but once we return, I have to go into the doctor's office for an official weigh in. Yep, that's right, we have to check back up on his weight. Hopefully, he will have fattened up by then. Wish us luck!

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

Yep, we've reached that time again...teeth. Dec's top two are descending rapidly, and it's making the poor kid miserable. On the plus side, Declan's finally figured out that he can manipulate us, and is now super sweet right before bed time. And tonight he gave Rich and I the sweetest, most sloppy kisses. Then he bit me. On my lip, on my cheek, on my nose. It was like he didn't know what he liked more, kisses or bites. Yep, he's definitely teething.

He also got some of his first Christmas presents. And the most successful has been from his Uncle Scott and Aunt Amy. It's a little walker/scooter that helps kids with walking skills. Until today, Declan has seemed more than content crawling and cruising. He stands alone, but only by accident. When he figures out that he's not holding onto something he panics and drops right to the floor. Maybe it was because he still had something to hold onto, or maybe he just figured it out, but, after pushing the walker on his knees a few times, he started following with steps! I was so proud. I'm really looking forward to those first steps.

Declan's been crawling and cruising for awhile now, and he's gotten his share of bumps. I swear I'll be standing not an inch from him and still he manages to get multiple black eyes. It seems like the moment that one disappears, another shows up. Surely enough, today, after a bruise-free eye for a few days, Declan took a monumental spill while trying to push the walker and ended up with a welt and a puffy eye. Great. The Moms Club will probably think I abuse him.

On a lighter note, I finally got around to creating Christmas cards. They're my first. Usually, I'm all talk and no action, but yesterday I took 154 pictures of Declan and finally found two that were card-worthy. Then Rich helped with the wording, and I'm going to pick them up Monday. Now I've just got to get them addressed and stamped...let's hope they get out by Christmas. Wish me luck!

Moms' Club of Lawrence

I found out that there's a moms club in Lawrence and was so excited to actually venture out of my safe, little bubble. Of course nothing ever goes as planned though. This is the story of my life.

So I got an email from the membership chairman and she told me that they were having a meeting on Wednesday at 4:00 and that they had a babysitter for the kids that only cost $1 per mom. I decided that nothing was going to keep me from this meeting.

So on Wednesday at around 3:00, I started getting ready. Declan was a little fussy, but I was determined. I wanted to appear stylish but casual, so I put on a v-neck t-shirt and a cardigan. I had just taken a shower and my hair air dried nicely, so I actually felt pretty good. Then I got Declan ready. He was fussy, and as we progressed, what started as a whimper, evolved into a full-blown tantrum, but, frazzled, I soldiered on. I was not going to miss this meeting.

I ignored the cries and forced Declan into his coat. I set his hat and gloves out to make sure I didn't forget, and went downstairs to check the location. Nope. No getting on the computer for me. The coat had only intensified Declan's rage and now he was demanding to be held or scream bloody murder. So I called Rich in New Jersey and had him look up the location, which turned out to be harder to find than I thought.

So I packed Declan up, it was now 3:55 and we needed to go. I improvised and luckily the meeting place was pretty close to our house. I got there at 3:59. Success!

And as I watched all the moms bring their kids into the meeting place, I checked my quarter stash for the $1 babysitting fee and...nothing. Turns out Rich had taken the quarters for the toll that Monday. Great. I almost turned around. I didn't want to be that one person that wasn't together enough to pony up for the babysitter. Especially when it was only $1! I wanted to find some good networks and new people to interact with and we all know first impressions are important.

But I had worked hard to get there, so I hoped they would forgive me. Then I realized I had never gotten the hat and mittens on Declan, so on the cold, windy day I watched all the warm, cozy, well taken care of, children gather for the meeting. And I sheepishly grabbed Declan and brought him inside as soon as possible.

I'm the kind of person that likes to point things out before other people notice, especially when they don't know me, just so they know that I know what's missing. It's like letting them know that I really have it all together, this is just an exception. But, truly, I don't really have it all together. Who am I kidding? Anyway, the first woman that said hi to me got an earful about Declan's missing hat and mittens and my lack of a dollar. She was nice and seemed a little surprised I was so worried. I think I was also a little too much for her because she didn't really talk to me again... Oh well, there were lots of women. Maybe one could be my friend.

But I wasn't done yet! I introduced myself to the club's officers and let them know that I was new. I was carrying Declan and talking and it took me a minute to notice that when I had hoisted Declan up, he had moved my cute v-neck down. And the whole time my bra had been showing. Yes, first impressions people. And I had to tell the officers I didn't have my dollar. While my bra was showing. Sweet.

They were all nice and the meeting started. Declan was actually playing really well and his fussing magically stopped when he spotted kids and toys. I was keeping an eye on him, mostly because I felt so self-conscious and it gave me something to do. But, when they started the meeting I was doing my best to be attentive and redeem the whole bra thing when Declan took a big spill. He started screaming, and I rushed over. So I picked him up, and in an effort to quiet him down while the group leader was talking, I gave him one of the Nilla Wafers that were offered for snacks. Now, it's important to note that we've made a significant effort to feed Declan wholesome food. He's never had a cookie. Turns out he likes them, a lot.

Declan took that cookie and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. He couldn't even chew it! It just sat there, bulging out of his cheeks. And he had this look on his face daring me to even think about trying to take any of it out. So I had no choice but to watch as he sucked on the whole cookie. Slurp. Slurp. Slurp. And Nilla infused spit started spewing from his mouth down my black cardigan. Bra showing again. Wiping spit up. Bulging mouth. Smile, just smile.

The meeting ended quickly, but it was 4:45 and I know my baby well enough to know that I had about 5 minutes until the final countdown, so I quickly left. But not before requesting the play date calendar. Hey, they all may run when they see me coming, but I'm coming damnit! I didn't go through all of that for nothing!

When I got in the car, I saw that my stylishly air dried hair had turned into the pre hot oil part of the VO5 commercials. Gary Busey in the house!

The Final Meltdown do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do

Just a few snippits of info and some cute pics. Since they're unrelated, I've decided to do a top ten list ala Letterman.


Top Ten Reasons Declan is Hilarious

10. Where's Waldtoe?


9. Solid Food

8. Super Declan!

7. His New Winter Hat and Mittens

6. He Loves the Ladies


5. But Not More Than He Loves Mommy
4. And Daddy

3. He Likes to Carry Socks In His Mouth
2. He Uses Two Spoons

1. He Loves Those Bubble Baths!

Thanksgiving

Money can't buy a wonderful family...I am truly blessed.

I'm one of those people who is always lamenting. I've just found that it's rejuvenating to admit those things that bother me. But, lately, with the sleep deprivation and the adjustment of the new baby, I think I've focused more on the downside of things. And don't get me wrong, in addition to adjusting to life with a baby, Rich and I have had a tough fall. Things just haven't been going our way. Things have been hard financially, Rich has been traveling to New Jersey for work, Declan hasn't been a great sleeper, and Rich's mom is sick. All of the stress has definitely taken a toll and sometimes it seems like things will never turn around.

But the thing that I didn't expect was that all of this hardship would humble me and make me more grateful for the things that I do have. It's amazing how being on a tight budget can make every opportunity feel so special. I think before this, I spent several hundred dollars a month on things like coffee and take out. I think Papa Murphy's is seriously missing all the money I was spending on pizza. What would Suzie Orman say?

Rich is gone part of the time and it's so hard to be on call 24 hours a day. Before Declan, I would spend my summer vacations reading and lounging. I don't think I'd even know what to do with a whole day, let alone summer, now. I used to get at least eight hours of sleep a night, and honestly it was more like nine. And I am not a nice person when I'm tired. It's like I'm the Hulk, but instead of turning green, I have crazy eyes and ratted hair. Either way, I scare people when I venture out in public. But again, I wouldn't trade all the free time in the world for the love and devotion I feel for my son.

I watched Oprah's pay it forward challenge the other day, and I could not stop crying. All of the stories were amazingly touching, but there were two that really made me stop and think about all of the amazing things in my life. One was a 75 year old man who had to drop out of elementary school to take care of his family. It was his life's aspiration, his highest dream, to learn to read. He had been auditing a first grade classroom and was reading at a first grade level, and the challenge winner decided to spend her $1,000.00 to buy him a box of books. And the look in this man's eyes when he opened this box was of such wonder and thankfulness. He was drawn to tears just looking at this treasure chest. And I couldn't help but think of how lucky this man would think I am. What could I possibly have to complain about? In addition to living in a safe community, with a college education, I have a warm home in the winter and a closet full of clothes...and bookshelves full of books I've read.

The other story was of a woman whose boyfriend had shot her in the face with a shotgun. This woman was horribly disfigured and the challenge winner gave her $2600 for a facial surgery. Here I am worrying about the last few pounds I want to lose or going to the store looking messy! On top of that, I have a beautiful, healthy baby. Which makes me want to tell another story from that show, but I won't. In fact, I could go through all of the touching stories and my reaction would be the same: I was just so struck by how much I take the ease and comfort of my life for granted.

Another inspiring experience I've had lately was seeing Jeanette Walls speak at KU a few weeks ago. She wrote a book about her life called The Glass Castle. Anyone who's read it knows where I'm going with this. Jeanette's parents did horrific things to their children. They watched the kids starve and bought themselves alcohol and chocolate. They exposed them to molesters and vagrants. The story is sometimes too horrible to believe and yet it happened. And it is happening for many people right now. But when I saw Walls speak, she said that when bad things happen, you can hold onto them because of their horror or you can look at them as opportunities to make a change. She called her worst memory, when her father offered her up as a prize in a pool game to an older man, a gift because it motivated her to get out. I've never seen that kind of hardship and I hope I never will.

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for perspective. Because I can see all the things I don't have or the mountain of things that I do. It just matters where I'm looking.

Sweet Home Kansas City

This weekend, Rich and I proudly brought Declan to Kansas City to meet some of Rich's best college friends. They were at a wedding that we didn't go to, so we only had a few hours to see one another. I was really touched when Rich told me that they were excited to meet Declan and wanted to make sure we could see each other even though Rich and I weren't going to the wedding. So, on Saturday, we put Declan in a great outfit, packed up all the toys and gear necessary for a visit, and took off for the Embassy Suites on the Plaza.

Whenever I go somewhere, I have a mental image in my head of what it might be like. Usually this isn't far off, but sometimes it differs greatly with reality. This was one of those times. As you all know, Declan is a crawling, pulling up, and cruising fanatic who loves to explore. I was thinking that an Embassy Suite would work out great and had envisioned little Declan exploring the room, being held by everyone, and doing all those little funny things babies do. Except I forgot that this was a male-driven outing. I don't know about you, but my husband, for all of his strengths, is not a detailed organizer. He's likely to accept what is put out instead of lobby for his way. Especially with his friends. So I heard and envisioned Embassy Suites while Rich envisioned the lobby bar at Embassy Suites, but no details were discussed, so we were given another reality altogether.

After we arrived at the hotel, the group told us that we were going to Charlie Hooper's. Which is a bar. Without windows. Or high chairs. Or a clean floor. Or ample lighting. Not even the door has a window. This is probably the worst place for a baby in the KC area. The guys were all drinking in between the wedding and the reception, which is what they've always done. And we were just going to go right along. Just with an infant. The line from Sweet Home Alabama just kept going through my mind, on a loop. "You have a baby! In a bar." Right before the girl starts talking about the Jacklyn Smith Collection from Kmart. But this was not my field trip, so I played along. Outside of my inner protests, everything went okay for about five whole minutes. But when Declan, who had about the same opinion of the whole baby in the bar thing as me, started howling, I eagerly threw him into the Baby Bjorn and walked around outside. Except it was 30 degrees. And Declan was throwing a baby fit.

So I went in and out of the three stores on the street. At Tuesday Morning, I created an enemy when I was looking at coffee pots (I needed one, so why not take a shopping opportunity?) while she was looking in the same section. After a few sideways glances at me and my red-faced baby she retreated to the housewares section. Maybe she was just eyeing the same pot, but it also could have been the Mariah Carey-like high notes coming out of Declan's mouth. Who knows? I think she might have complained to the manager. Whatever. I had bigger issues.

When it was obvious to me that I could 1. Not rejoin my husband and the merry drinking men and 2. not walk around and shop with my little one. I did the only thing I could do: I put him in the car and spent the next hour driving around Brookside. I sang along to the radio and looked at the beautiful houses, and Declan fell asleep. It was definitely one of those days.

Here's the kicker though. Declan usually eats at 5:00. We were on our way home from Kansas City around that time, so I decided that we should stop for dinner instead of enduring more cries on our long ride home. So we stopped, and the most amazing thing happened when Declan got out of the car. He got into his high chair, and grinned at me. Then he spent dinner alternating between stuffing grilled cheese in his mouth (not whole grain, not organic...don't judge me, we had a hard day) and turning around to the family behind us and grinning at their daughter. It was his first flirt. I think he was so relieved to be back in a familiar setting that he decided to reward us with some sweetness. Kids. Just when you think you've got them figured out...

Total Anihilation

It seems to me that parenthood is constantly filled with humbling experiences. That as soon as you are light on your feet and feeling proud of your excellent parenting, something comes along to knock you back down to size. We were doing good, Declan started crawling early, which has its own difficulties, but I was really proud at how well he was thriving. Declan opened up and became the smiley, happy baby I was worried would never come, and I was at least getting okay rest...

Then he got his teeth, and then the dreaded ear infection. Now, 10 days after we started antibiotics, Declan is still pulling at his ear, is almost inconsolable throughout the day, and he woke up every two hours last night. To add insult to injury, he was like this most of the week while Rich was in New Jersey, and Rich is traveling this week too. I've certainly been knocked back down a few notches.

I wonder if everyone feels so helpless or if it's just me. I still feel like a kid, and some days I just want it get easier. Then it does, but that's fleeting too. I did get some wisdom from watching Kung Fu Panda last night. No matter what you want it to be, a peach tree will always be a peach tree. Brilliant, right? Declan will always be Declan. Not the kid in my perfect world, not my friend's baby who sleeps, and smiles, and sits on laps, not the baby who can already wave bye-bye at eight months. Declan will always be the baby that crawls all over the story lady at the library. He'll always be the baby who wants mommy ALL the time. He'll always be the baby who sees an electrical cord 10 feet away and zooms straight for it and hates the stroller and the car seat and the playpen. He's a peach, not an orange. And with this timeless Disney wisdom, I must conclude that there are wonderful things about a peach. And then the cycle starts over again because I'm starting to feel proud. Crap. Something's going to erupt any second now.

On another note, there was a baby, for privacy reasons, we'll say she is a rhubarb, not a peach, who walked around to every kid at story time and took their toys. She'd take a toy and walk around with it, and eventually drop it and move on. And her mom didn't intervene until little Rhubarb, happily gulping on some milk from a sippy cup, took the cup and sheepishly gave it back to its original owner. Meanwhile, I practically had to pry Declan's death grip off of the story lady. It was like a moth to a flame. He saw her white hair and granny spectacles and fell in love. Maybe he'll like older women when he grows up. Oh, and by the way, that little girl, her name was actually Rhubarb. She had on turquoise, suede, American Indian style boots. Rhubarb. Do you think her mom would hate it if little Rhubarb decided she wanted to be called Barbie and dye her hair platinum?

Charmander

I have a friend, Trisha, whose son is one month older than Declan. I love seeing what Frankie's doing, because it gives me an idea of what is coming. In the early months, this was especially neat. Frankie would smile and I'd hope that Declan would smile soon. I saw Frankie going crazy in the jumparoo when Declan could care less, and I was so excited to see Declan interact like that.

This week, Jessica and Charlie came to visit. Charlie is 11 months older than Declan, and the last time they saw each other, Declan was only four weeks old. This time, although it wasn't an instant brotherhood, the boys were more aware of one another, and since both are big personalities, I got to see what's coming.

First of all, Charlie is adorable. He's funny and charming, and if Declan does half of the hilarious things Charlie's come up with, we're in for a lot of fun in the next few months. Jess has told me stories, but nothing, nothing compares to the real experience. From the moment they walked through the door, I could tell that the little baby I'd seen so many times before was all but gone. Jess had gotten Charlie Sonic, fastened the bib, ripped the chicken nuggets into Charlie-friendly pieces, and...with one sweep of his arm, Charlie pushed half onto the floor. Unsatisfied with his progress, he quickly swept the rest of it off his tray. Needless to say, Scooter had a new best friend.

With dinner over, and Charlie out of his seat, I got to see the true show. All of a sudden, I heard a little humming, and then a 1 1/2 year old booty shake, and then, the finale, some New Kids on the Block "You Got the Right Stuff, Babaaay" leg kicks (you know what I'd talking about, don't pretend you didn't go to the concert). Let me tell you, I've never seen a toddler dance, but without fail, when music came on, Charlie started the dance. I loved it! Over the next couple of days, I found myself trying to coax Declan into just a slight sway. The boy band moves could wait. I'm not picky. I just have a feeling that a small part of my soul could be fulfilled if Declan would dance. You all know how I love to dance. But Rich, not so much. He'll do two things: slow dance and the robot. And his robot involves just one arm moving back and forth. It might sway all of my fears about having only boys if at least one of them would dance around the living room with me.

Here's the New Kids' video. Charlie's dance is right at the 1:20 mark.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuHgBCxCRgo

I'll keep you updated on Declan's Dance Card. So far, 0. But I have not yet lost hope.

Jess and I went to The Legends (fail!), Nordstrom Cafe (double fail!), birthday dinner with my mom at our favorite restaurant (I don't think we're allowed back), and the McDonald's play room (had to change a poopy diaper on the floor, but no one saw...pass!). I don't ever go to McDonald's because they don't have food I eat, but I have a feeling I'll be trying out their whole menu of coffee items. It's two blocks away from my house. Crap.

That's what's wonderful about having another mom to do stuff with, she's been there before, if not currently sharing the same experiences, and it's less embarrassing when you have someone with you who understands. It's also great to see that even though Charlie wasn't a great sleeper when he was Declan's age, he's figured it out now. He's able to take pretty long naps, even though, like Declan, he was a cat napper. He survived his MMR vaccine, and there's no trace of autism. Just like hanging out with Trisha excites me for what's to come, being with Jessica shows me that there's a light at the end of our tunnel. I think Jess would argue that there are other tunnels and other issues, and I know that's coming too. Right now, I'm just desperately hoping for the day when I can sleep 10 hours in a row. Hell, right now I'd take 6.

The Tooth Fairy Cometh

Last week, Declan cut two teeth. I knew there was something wrong on Monday when, during a routine grocery store outing, Declan screamed so loud that people shopping in other aisles recoiled from us when we came around the corner. We were grocery store lepers.

Lo and behold, after many fake-outs, I felt Declan's first tooth when we got home. Now, because nothing can ever be the easy option, we had one of those weeks. He didn't want to nap, he was fussy all the time, and for the last few nights, he's been up for a solid two hours in the middle of the night. Two nights ago he woke up every half hour. This is where the mommy instinct comes in. Where Rich was done with D's shenanigans, I just knew there was something wrong. The next morning, the second tooth had appeared.

Of course the only thing that will work is Motrin. Last week, I found myself counting the minutes until I could give it to him again. He takes the biggest dose because of his size and before I knew it, the whole bottle was gone. Then I started worrying that I was "that mom", the one who drugs her kids instead of giving them the love and tenderness that they deserve...but, the thing is, it works. Last week, Declan wouldn't nap without it. I'd get him asleep in my arms, but the moment I laid him down in his crib he'd wake up hysterical.

I'm from the "do what you've got to do" mommy school. I think judging someone because their kid still takes a pacifier or sleeps in their bed or drinks formula or is held all the time is completely worthless. I save judgement for the big things, like whether they have cute clothes or not. Or whether they have the right brand of stroller. That's a big one.


On another note, Declan is now a proficient crawler and has been delighting in traveling where he wants to go and exploring every corner of a room. Mostly, he gravitates toward all the spaces he should avoid, and really wants to chew on every electrical cord he can find. Now, every time I leave a room, I imagine that I'll walk in and his hair will be on end with smoke coming out of his ears. Maybe that should be his halloween costume...I already bought a dinosaur though. Darn.

He's already pulling up on everything I can get ahold of, which makes me worry that walking is not far around the corner. Rich walked at 9 months, and I think we'll have a repeat performance with Declan.

Declan has been laughing more. I'm desperately trying to get a video, but whenever I turn it on, Declan turns to look at me with an "oh really" face and abruptly stops all merriment. He's onto my tricks. He also loves his B's. Buh, buh, buh means so many things. It means mommy, toy, hungry, and pretty much everything else. It's really endearing when he looks at me with intense concentration and says "buh, buh". I don't think this one will be satisfied until he can do and say exactly what he wants. Wonder where he gets that from...

Holy Crawling, Batman!

I've been waiting for this day for a few weeks, but I'm still honestly amazed at Declan's agility. He crawled for the first time yesterday. He's six months and one week old.

In many ways, it's great that he's crawling so early. He's more content to play on his own and I know he's incredibly satisfied that he can finally select what to do on his own. He's definitely a motivated, independent kid. He'll focus on a skill until he gets it instead of just having fun and doing things on accident. There are no accidents here.

The down side is that he's now a total maniac. In the middle of the night, he's waking up and practicing his technique. Last night, we went into his room several times and each time he moved to the end of his crib and pulled up on the slats and crib bumper. He was sitting upright, clenching the slats of the crib like a prisoner clinging to the bars of his cell. Now he just needs to learn "nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow" and a tin cup. Seriously. He was sitting there crying and peering up at us with this forlorn look. Like he just wanted to be free and explore the world and we were cooping him up in this horrible contraption.

I usually pull him into bed around 5:00am and the last few days I've woken up to Declan on all fours headbutting the headboard. Maniac!

He's also started bopping. All I need are some good jams and he'll be dancing the day away. The upside is that he now loves his jumparoo, although he's a little strong for his own good and often scares himself while he's bouncing around. The downside is that he bops all the time, even while breastfeeding. The changing table has become a battle ground and I often have to change him on the floor where he's flopping everywhere. I've gotten good at putting on his diapers while he's on all fours.

Seriously, are all babies so freaking strong? I'm no match for this kid. He's given me a fat lip, head butts that could make Chuck Norris pass out, and this week he grabbed my face with that death grip and gave me two large cuts on my nose.

As we speak, Declan has discovered the drawers in the tv stand. I think it's only a matter of moments before all of our DVDs and video games are strewn across the floor. Why couldn't I have a normal baby who waits until nine months to crawl?

Oh, and I forgot, Declan's new favorite thing? Electrical cords. He wants to chew on them. Great. Just great. And now he's eating the Playstation 3...

Chaos

Declan is six months old! From the moment we had him, we've been hearing about how this is the best stage of babyhood. And now I can really see why. For the first time, Declan is smiling at me to try and get my attention, and he's more free with laughter and fun. I think that now that he can reach for toys and roll toward something he wants, he's so much more content.

Yesterday, my friend Becky came over and had such a good time with Declan on the piano. I posted the picture above. Declan was kicking and pounding that piano just like Jerry Lee Lewis. It was amazing, especially because he got his six month shots yesterday. The other times, he was just lethargic and fussy. Yesterday, it was like nothing had happened. And I'd blame it on his bigfatbaby status, but, sadly, Declan is no longer a bigfatbaby. A moment of silence please.

Declan has officially changed his status from bigfatbaby to Dex the Tank. Declan's weight is now only in the 75th percentile, 19 pounds, but his height is in the 97th, 28.5 inches. Nearly everyone who sees him, including his doctor, notes how sturdy he is. He's like that kid from junior high who's a rolly polly and then goes out for football. He's my little butterfly. And he's about to start flying around like one too. This kid is just one connecting moment away from bounding around this house. He loves to set his sights on a toy and wiggle worm his way over to it. There's an immense sense of pride in me as I watch him take that toy and stick it in his mouth for some well deserved chewing.

He's also started shaking things up and down. I've taken to singing "shake it, shake it, shake it like a polaroid picture, hey ya" when he does this. I think I'm funny.

Movin' Movin' Movin'

I think one of the saddest things about traveling for Rich is that each week when he comes home, Declan is different. It's amazing how subtle a change can be like Declan accomplishing something new on his high chair toy or starting to watch as I eat. They can also be big ones, and that's where I really feel for Rich. This week, for instance, Declan magically became 100 times more mobile. I put him on the floor in his play gym and the next thing I knew he was all the way across the room.

He's also started bouncing back and forth while on all fours. Rich calls it "humping" and really, that's what it looks like, but, correct me if I'm wrong, it just seems wrong to describe my baby as humping. I'm already dreading the teen years, especially if he looks as much like his dad as I think he will. Besides, I've already decided that he's saving himself for Vivienne Marcheline.

So crawling is coming soon and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand I'm happy because Declan will have achieved something new and will be able to have more control over his environment. On the other, I've got these horrible spiral stairs that give me nightmares. And he partially trapped himself under the cedar chest yesterday. I'm sure that won't be the last time he wriggles into a sketchy spot.

Firsts

This weekend Rich and I did what until now seemed impossible: we returned to normal life...at least we dipped our toes. We took Declan to his first KU football tailgate. Last year, we only went to one, which ended in fighting and fatigue. Pregnancy and the heat, beer, and walking that encompass the tailgating experience didn't go together well for me. Without beer, tailgating is really just standing around in a parking lot. But, this year, the beer was back and it was magically fun again.

Declan was a champ. He rode around in his new stroller, fell asleep, and let all sorts of random people hold him. I guess he hasn't hit the stranger danger phase yet. He wore his little Jayhawk polo and all the hustle and bustle seemed to make a calm observer out of our normally demanding little one. Plus, all the new foods we've given Declan have made him much more happy to take a bottle of formula, so I didn't have to worry about finding a place to nurse in all the craziness. Rich just shook up the bottle, and Declan took it with no problem. Touchdown Corcorans!

When I say we dipped our toes, it's because instead of the marathon we used to pull out for a tailgating day, Rich and I were limited, and happily so, to about three hours. It was a jam-packed three hours though, and the Corcorans were tired. So tired, in fact, that we spent all of Sunday resting and hanging out around the house. I had three whole drinks during that monumental three hours, and I was just as hung over as if I'd spent the night partying back in the old days. When I say the old days, I mean any time before last July when I found out I was pregnant.

Even though the tailgate was the most fun first of the weekend, it wasn't the only one. Yet another disadvantage to having a huge baby is that he grows out of everything fast. This weekend, Rich and I had to give up the infant car seat. This means no more seat for him in the shopping cart, at restaurants, and our snap n' go is no longer in service. He does look cute (and much more comfortable) in his "big boy" seat, and it's always fun to put the new things you've bought into use.

Declan's also discovered the remote and the computer keys. He loves to bang away at them, especially when I'm writing email or IMing. He's really into what Rich and I are doing. He'll make chewing motions while he watches us eat, and he loves to "type" while I'm on the computer. He's slowly figuring out how to get to that toy he wants, but in the meantime I'm now essential for all of his playtime.

He's also discovered J.J. and Scooter watches with fascination as they move in and out of his view. He really likes all animals, but like most babies, is probably not ready to be that close yet. For example, Declan seized Rich's brother's puppy, who is a good two pounds, and, death grip extended, lifted her off the ground like she was one of his toys. That little dog didn't utter a peep. She's probably used to that manhandling from her mother. If it weren't for the panic in Scott's eyes, we probably wouldn't have noticed either.

We're also in the midst of some wicked teething. He'd like to have his pacifier cemented to his mouth and fusses amost immediately when he doesn't have something to soothe him. In fact, as I type this, Declan is demanding something to chew.

And he's just itching to be mobile. I think I have some running in my future. Wish me luck!

Missing Daddy

It's only now that I truly understand the biological need for monogamy. I can say confidently that this is the first time in Rich and my eight year relationship that I've truly needed him. I've always wanted him, of course. And although having a baby makes alone time almost impossible, it also adds depth and dimension to our existing relationship. I think both of us are impressed by how the other handles parenting responsibilities and marvel at the different strengths that have come to the surface.

And even though I have a lot of support from family and friends while Rich is out of town, nothing, absolutely nothing can fill the void. I wish I could say that I was confident and strong enough to handle everything on my own wonderfully, but I can't. It's hard to admit that, but it's the hands down truth.

Rich is the perfect balance to my emotional, attachment parenting. He brings reason and structure and perspective. Those things just can't be truly accessed over the phone. This, I can see now, is where true partnership begins. And I need my partner. He's coming home tonight. Hallelujah!!!

Upside Down

From almost the moment Declan was born, all the new dads we knew seemed to give the same advice: the baby gets a lot more interactive when they are around six months old. Rich, being the great dad he is, has put an enormous amount of effort into caring for and bonding with Declan these past few months, but, in the end, the truth is that men don't have the same instinctual baby need that women have.

Obviously, there is major biology at work here because I felt connected and bonded to Declan almost instantly and was probably immune to anyone else's struggles to do the same. So far, it's all been about survival. But, in the last few weeks (because everything changes every week it seems) Rich has really found his bonding niche. He makes Declan laugh by rubbing his little feet against his head and was so excited when he tried to hold Declan upside down and Declan didn't cry. In fact, they both love it now, and it seems like Rich is constantly toting Declan around the house upside down or slung over his shoulder. Declan's face is usually red, but elated, and I can see the budding of a new relationship. It seems like every chance Rich gets, he's trying new methods to entertain Declan, and I know they both love it.

Declan is constantly changing, and this morning was a great example of it. I had a hard night sleeping last night, Rich watched Predator before we went to bed and we (stupidly) ended up having a conversation about what would happen if Predator came to our house. Cue horror movie music. Plus, our garage door was open when we got home from Topeka, and at 2:00 am it occurred to me that a killer could be hiding upstairs waiting for us to go to bed. Rich confidently declared that if any killer was there, he'd have done the deed already and that I should go to sleep. Silly me, I wasn't at all knowledgable about the fictional killer's plan. But Rich is used to my fear of the dark.

Anyway, Rich left at about 5:20 for the airport this morning, right about the same time I pulled Declan into bed to nurse. Usually he falls right asleep and we both get a few good hours, but this morning, Declan was chipper and playful. He was "playing" until 6:00 and keeping me awake right along with him. Needless to say after fearing Predator all night, I was exausted. I heard Declan rustling around around 7:00 but refused to wake up, and I thought he went back to sleep until I heard a loud grunt. I opened my eyes to see Declan, fully awake, staring straight into my eyes, grunting. When he saw that he'd woken me up, he smiled. I big, satisfied grin. Although I was extremely exhausted, I gave in and smiled right back, so proud that he'd come up with a way to wake me up and happy that he wanted to spend time with me.

Oh yeah, and Declan can sit up now, as the picture shows. Like I said, it's always changing.

Moving Forward

I've been Debbie Downer lately, I know. CIO has been hard, but we're finally on the tail end. Because of that, I've gotten three good nights of sleep...if this keeps up it will be worth the anguish.

Declan is coming out of his first sickness and has added on a set of new skills. As you can see, he's becoming proficient at sitting up without assistance. He's been working on this for awhile. He's got the best abs on a baby I've ever seen because he's been doing a baby crunch passionately for the past few weeks. Does that comment make me sound like I'm a step away from entering him into a baby boy pageant? They do exist, I know because my boyfriend Justin Timberlake was in one as a boy. The crunches, I think, are a boy thing. My mom doesn't remember us doing it, but several boy mommies say this is pretty normal.

Anyway, in addition to sitting up pretty well, Declan has become much more aware of his surroundings. He watches us eat and is fascinated by my coffee mug. He's also discovered Scooter and, unfortunately, Scooter has realized this so he now tries to lick Declan all the time. Especially after mealtime. It's okay for Scooter to clean the floor around the baby, but I'd rather use a washcloth for his face, you know?

Declan is trying new foods too. He's now had rice and oatmeal cereal (he likes oatmeal better), applesauce, and avocados. It really is true that you can't give a baby sweet food first, the first night of avocado, Declan loved it...until he gagged because he wasn't swallowing, just storing it in his cheeks like a chipmunk. Last night though, Grandma Lauri fed him avocado and cereal at the same time, and Declan, being advanced as he is, was not having the avocado. It's like when you're on a diet and you get used to the sugar free ice cream and start thinking it's good...until you taste the sweet nectar of the real thing and you fall off the wagon.

I'm trying to make all of his baby food myself. I think jarred food is nasty, so I don't want to feed it to him. So far, it's been easy. I've got a bunch of blended nectarine ready for next week, which I think will be a hit. After that, we're going for sweet potato and acorn squash. Wish us luck!

There is one more thing. It's not a polite thing to talk about, but when you have a baby it just becomes more important. Like important enough to post on the Internet. Yes, I'm talking about poop. Stop now if you have no interest. I wouldn't if I didn't have a baby. Poop didn't used to be a common topic of conversation, now it's like talking about shoes or TV, and just as addictive.

Anyhoo, Declan's poop has passed a major milestone. It was just as surprising as seeing him roll over for the first time. And I'm just as proud. Declan is now creating real, round, solid poop. At first I thought it was a part of his anatomy (you know what I'm talking about) but after a solid minute of trying to figure out how it got all the way back there (I've lost a few IQ points), I realized what it was. I promptly called Rich up to look at it and show him how it rolled around. (Seriously, parenting does change you) Even as I'm writing this, I can't believe I'm posting this...but it's the big story of the week so I can't resist.

Obiwan Kebaby

This picture was taken last night, night three of CIO,

it doesn't seem like he's a sociopath without human connection yet...wish us all luck.

We were inspired by the sleeping babies from St. Louis and decided to let poor little Declan "cry it out". I refused to do the cold turkey approach where we just let him cry on his own, so we decided that we'd go in every few minutes to reassure Declan that we loved him and that we were there.

The first night, Declan went down fine but woke up around 12:30. We did our intervals for only about 15 minutes before he was asleep. We felt cautiously optimistic. Declan woke again at 3:30 and I fed him. At that point, I noticed he was hot so I took his temperature, shit! it was 101.1. I had read an article, one of the main things that persuaded me to finally try this, that basically said babies respond to all methods of sleep training but that the key is consistency. Once you pick a routine you must stick to it, or you end up with lasting sleep issues. But Ferber says not to do cry it out if a baby is sick. Great. Just great. Can't anything go smoothly? Murphy's Law, right?

What people don't tell you is that it's not just during the crying that CIO is unbearable. There's so much anti-CIO out talk out there that insists you are doing irreparable damage to your baby's psyche, there's even a website for adults who have been damaged by CIO, that I've been constantly needy for Declan to show me affection and show signs that he's not on a permanent downward spiral. It's been a gut wrenching few days. I'm convinced he doesn't love me anymore and that I've irreparably ripped up our mom/baby bond. At this exact moment, Declan is upstairs crying his head off, and it's so hard not to do anything, not because I think he's in distress about anything other than being tired and pissed, but because there's that voice in the back of my head that tells me that he knows I'm doing this to him on purpose and he won't ever be the same.

We did decide to continue with CIO even though Declan is sick. That's not the "right" thing to do, but we know our perceptive child and we know if we went back on it, there is a good chance it might never work. Controversial, I know, but to everyone's surprise, he seems to be taking to it...at night. The daytime is another story, but last night, to Rich's and my amazement, we watched on the monitor as Declan woke up, looked around, propped himself up, and then flopped around, all without crying. In a few minutes he'd put himself to sleep. We've had two good nights, but even those nights don't give me the reassurance I need that Declan is still going to trust and love me. How needy am I?

The daytime has been the real struggle. Declan's not feeling well, but he's still refusing to go down for a nap when he's tired. It's been at least 25 minutes of crying before his first nap the past three days. Words can't describe how hollow it makes me feel to know he wants (not needs) me and I'm just choosing not to go in there. And my mind tells me that it's because he's sick, not because he hates me that he hasn't been as affectionate, but I'm on constant red-alert checking his every sign.

On a happy note, my cat Hunter, the pee king, has disappeared. We hope he's found another home to pee in.

Rejuvenation

This weekend, I got to spend time with two mothers who had baby boys in the same week that Declan was born. Sometimes, this can feel totally isolating, but other times, it's like you're in a new club that was previously closed.

I knew I'd have a great time with Benton as soon as she apologized for her cat. I told her we had two cats and a dog and her eyes got big "me too!". I then explained that I wasn't a great pet-mommy because my animals were on Craigslist. Her eyes sparkled "mine too!". At that moment, I knew we were kindred spirits. She has a bigfatbaby too. We laughed about spending our days in the living room, and how a trip to the store is now a big outing. It's important to know that Benton has always been glamorous. In college, when everyone else had a Bud Light, she had a glass of wine...at The Wheel. She was ready for fine dining and first class traveling when everyone else was deciding whether to use the Porto-potty or go behind a car. So I wasn't surprised that when I saw her she was wearing a cute, hot pink maxi dress. She promptly explained that she had to wear the terry dress because it was just like a towel and could absorb spit up. Meanwhile, I was envisioning my dirty tank top and pj pants. We had a great visit, her son, Axel, was so sweet and time flies when you're talking baby poop. She walked me out and as I turned to say bye, Axel, who was grinning ear-to-ear, spit up all over her. She nodded to the terry dress. That, folks, is the essence of motherhood.

Melissa is on her second baby. Caleb is 22 months and Evan is 5. Do the math. This poor lady has been pregnant or dealing with a newborn for a loooong time. She still manages to make all of Evan's food from scratch, play educational games with Caleb, work part-time, and find every great baby bargain there is. It's insane. It was such a relief to see all of the different approaches she was taking and how they played out in the family. She gives her 5-month-old formula and started him on solids really early. They've already cried it out with him. These are two things that all the babycenter moms say are no-nos, but Evan doesn't wake up every two hours like Declan and he's a happy, smiling baby who loves his mommy. Caleb watches TV, another so-called controversy...except that he is smart and engaging and loves to play outside. He is incredibly verbal and fun.

So why all the hoopla? I swear it's like everything that parents can do to ease their burden and gain some sanity ends up being controversial...for no reason whatsoever. I think if I listened to everything that books and the Internet say about babies, I'd be letting Declan rule everything about my life. Unintentionally, of course, but isn't this how we get in situations like you see on Nanny 911?

Cut to eight years from now, my Gary Busey hair has turned into Amy Winehouse's, my face is haggard. My kids are throwing temper tantrums in my severely messy house while I'm eating Cheetos and watching TV, my only break from the incessant whining and demands...but I didn't let them cry it out, that would be bad for them...

How do I sift through all the conflicting messages? Right now, I'm trusting the real-life examples that I see instead of the hypothetical "perfection" in books. Wish me luck. Maybe I should just stop reading babycenter...

Whew!

It was beyond wonderful to have Rich home this weekend. Last week was so disorienting and upsetting for so many reasons, and just having Rich there was rejuvenating. But, being the amazing husband he is, Rich took the late night feedings on Friday and Saturday nights and I ended up getting two nights of six hour stretches! That may sound like painfully little sleep to those of you without little ones, but, trust me, it's sleeping like Rip Van Winkle for the new parent set. Then, miracle of all miracles, Declan slept from 12:45 to...wait for it...6:25 today!

I feel like a new woman! My house may get clean. Hell, I may get clean! I'm thinking of activities I can do with him today instead of plotting ways to get him in his swing so I can get a nap! This is why I start fantasizing about "cry it out". It does seem counterintuitive: let your baby cry even though it will rip your heart out, but at what point do the benefits outweigh the costs? If I take that dreaded leap, it may hurt in the short run, but in the long run, Declan will get a more motivated, happy mommy. So what's more important, the nighttime parenting or the daytime interaction? I don't want Declan to become less trusting of me or distant, which is what anti-cry it out people proclaim. But my intuition tells me that the love and support I'll give him during the day will outweigh his relatively few nights of angst. I'll keep you posted on the final decision. Whatever it is, I'd like to wait until six months to do it. That gives me one more month to ponder.

Yesterday I did something I thought I'd never do: I dressed my little one like his daddy. Or I should say, Rich did the dressing. But, I didn't think it was cheesy. In fact, I LOVED it. It made me smile all day that they were so cute together. They already look just alike and the matching outfits just made my day. What's next, Christmas sweaters? Seriously, I never thought I'd be condoning, much less encouraging behavior like this. Watch out the next time you see me, I might be wearing mom jeans and a sweatshirt with some sort of cat on it...embroidered. Even this morning, when I looked at the pictures I took, it made me proud. My two gorgeous boys.

Worst. Week. Ever.

I'm a big reader. Since I found out I was pregnant, I started snatching up every related book out there. What to Expect When You're Expecting freaked me out a little, but for the most part, I really enjoyed learning about everything that was going on.

Since having Declan, I've read countless parenting books, and lately I've been searching for some sort of method or explanation or magic potion that would help. What I've mostly found though, is more confusion. It all sounds so simple on paper. And logical too. Put your baby to bed on his back slightly awake and he'll learn to put himself to sleep. It makes total sense that the more you repeat a pattern, the more babies respond...except when they don't, because sometimes they won't. And of course, of course the easiest way for Declan to sleep is on his tummy. So I have to choose: get a little sleep, but possibly kill my baby or just stay up for a year straight and go crazy (insert mental picture of Gary Busey's mug shot).

Aside: It's not even a stretch to compare myself to Gary Busey's mug shot. I'm going to bed tonight with rice cereal in my hair, and I think there's baby pee in my bed. And I don't even care. If you haven't seen it, Google it. Then put my face where his is and imagine that his hair is molded using rice cereal...perfection.

Anyhoo, so I've been on my own this week, and it just so happens that all the "bad habits" we've developed over the time when Rich was home (we'll now refer to that as "the honeymoon phase") have now come to a head and it's sink or swim time. For example, our petite saucisse (or little sausage) loves, still, at 18 pounds, to be swaddled. It was okay when Rich was here because he could take the only swaddler that worked and wrap Declan into a papoose in no time. Me, I'm not great at it. Declan just ends up crying more because he keeps breaking out in the middle of the night. So I've decided that this week is the end of the swaddle. I washed it, folded it, and packed it up. Declan was not aware of this, and was expecting his nice, comfy swaddle. Enter fireworks.

I won't go into the details, but I will say that it's taken over an hour and a half each of the past three days to get Declan down for his afternoon nap, not to mention any of the other times I have to put him down. Needless to say, it's been a struggle. I have new respect for single moms. I don't know how they do it. I'm sure it will get easier, but for now, I'm Gary Busey, saying "good night".

Honesty

One of the things that bonds Rich and I is that we're both honest people. We're also very earnest, we want to be good people and we work hard at it. What goes along with that is that we both have very high standards. We give a lot and expect a lot in return. This definitely applies to Declan, poor kid.

This weekend we went to my friend Laura's baby shower. It wasn't long after we left that I realized we must be the most annoying party guests. Everyone politely asked about Declan and over and over again I found myself talking about two things: his size and his sleeping habits. I'm sure people just wanted to hear that he was great and we loved him, which are both true. But Rich and I, so engrossed in our daily struggles, just focused on what wasn't going right.

At one point in the night, I was asked if Declan was on a schedule. Rich and I both answered "no". We thought we were being honest. In reality though, we were being earnest. I realized that Rich and I are applying our high standards to our child. We don't want to be baby liars, and pride ourselves on our honesty. According to our standards, Declan was not on a perfect schedule yet. But, I began to realize, that wasn't the truth. Declan actually is on a schedule. He wakes up from 8:00-9:00, eats, plays for a couple of hours and is ready for his first nap from around 10:30 to noon. Then he eats, plays, and goes down for his afternoon nap from 1:30-3:00. Sometimes these cycles occur later, sometimes earlier, and sometimes he has an off day and doesn't follow this. Mostly though, he follows a schedule. Rich and I's standards are just so high and we want to be honest, so we answer "no". He doesn't wake up at the exact same time every day or go to sleep for his nap at exactly 11:45 every day, but I don't think that's what babies do.

It's like the woman my sister told me about who claimed that her one-year-old could say 100 words. She counted every "word" that came out of his mouth. I'm the opposite. I won't claim something until I'm absolutely sure it's there.

I think this is just as bad as baby lying. Because we're misrepresenting the truth. The truth is that we have a wonderful, lovely baby who is darling and smiley and we are working hard at being the best parents we can be for him.

He's Laughing At Me!

Yesterday, Rich and I decided to take Declan to the Spencer Museum of Art. It's small, local, and indoors, which makes it the perfect little outing. But we forgot one thing, you're supposed to be quiet when you go to a museum. We made it through the first room fine, there was some brightly colored art that he enjoyed. Then we went to the Renaissance room, which was dark and somewhat depressing. Declan started sqirming. By the time we got upstairs he was fussing a little, but not much. The problem was that there was some sort of program being filmed and Declan kept ruining the audio. I'm sure wherever that interview broadcasts, Declan's cries will be in the background.

So, we sheepishly left the museum, apologizing to all on our way out. We decided that he must be tired, so we quickly went home and swaddled him (yes, he's too big for every swaddler, but he won't go to sleep without one, so we improvise) and started the bouncing so that he'd go down for his nap. I was busy and didn't notice that Rich had been bouncing much longer than usual. So I was surprised when he looked over at me exasperated and said, in a mild panic "he's laughing at me, I'm working so hard to get him to sleep and he's just laughing at me". Sure enough, Declan was wide awake, smiley, and laughing. It's like he was victorious in getting us to leave the stuffy museum and had faked his crankiness to get his way. Now that he was home like he wanted to be, he was happy. We took the picture above right afterward. Now I know that babies don't have the capacity for this kind of planning, anticipation, and execution, but he is advanced afterall. Didn't I say he was advanced? Maybe he's an evil genius...and we're just his puppets.

Dogs and Cats and Babies, Oh My!

I have been spoiled, I admit it. Since we moved back to Kansas, Rich has mainly been working from home. After he took three weeks off when Declan was born, Rich just went back to work upstairs. Although he wasn't available every second, he was always there. Then, everything fell into place and he was able to take two months off between projects. This has never happened before, and will probably never happen again. It all just seemed like great timing and circumstances. We've been in a bubble with Declan for a few months, but now the bubble has popped and Rich is off to New Jersey on Monday.

To be specific, he's going to be working on the Jersey Shore. I don't know anything about this place except what I've seen on True Life: The Jersey Shore on MTV which showed a bunch of oily bo-hunks with gold chains and hard-as-plastic-hair. Think the Gottis or Joey from the new Real World. At least it's by the ocean.

So, I'm now going from constant dual parenting to constant single parenting (during the week). Needless to say, I'm stressed. I keep telling myself to master The Secret. Although I didn't read it, I get the gist: think positively and positive things will happen to you. I'm really bad at this. I tend to mope and complain and anticipate the worst. But I'm not a kid anymore so I'm trying The Secret. Maybe I'll end up with billions like Oprah. She likes the secret, and I'm assuming she uses it. If she can do it, so can I.

I wonder what The Secret or Oprah would have to say about my dirty little, non-warm-and-fuzzy secret: I hate all my pets right now. Yep, you read that right, I hate my pets. This was one of the things people warned me about that I refused to believe. These animals were my family, namely Hunter who was my particular pet. I didn't mind that he sometimes peed in the basement or whined to go outside constantly. I put up with our dog Scooter's jumping up and begging for food all the time because he was affectionate and sweet. My other cat JJ was never around and had never done anything wrong, so how could she get on my nerves?

Now Hunter, who we throw outside every time we get a chance, hangs with the neighbors more than us. Although he hasn't peed, it might be because we've set up barricades to prevent him from going upstairs, into the basement, and in the guest bathroom. JJ won't leave me alone and growls at the dog constantly. And Scooter follows me around, tries to eat Declan's toys, and intentionally aggravates JJ. I can't deal! I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I think I'm going to put ads up on Craigslist while Rich is away. Wish me luck.

New Pics

As you can see, rice cereal has been going well. Declan's really enjoying it. It hasn't lived up to the sleep hype though. Although it has been presented and insisted upon as a surefire remedy to Declan's night wakings, they are as persistent and frequent as ever. I guess it just goes to show that there are never any guarantees as far as babies go.

FYI

I fixed my comment settings so anyone can comment. You don't need a gmail account anymore!

Three Teaspoons

Now that we've started giving Declan rice cereal, we decided that I'd try to pump in the morning so that we could mix the cereal with breast milk. All I'd need to pump is three teaspoons worth. That's not even one ounce. Babies Declan's age often eat up to five ounces in a sitting. This should be a piece of cake. Except all I could muster was a paltry two teaspoons. Two! I'd be afraid that I'm not making enough milk, but one look at Declan tells me he's doing just fine.

So what gives? I hate pumping anyway, I feel like a cow, it hurts, and obviously I'm not very good at it. These are my struggles.

I read Babycenter a lot, which can be good and bad. What gets me is that there seem to be (you know how I feel about the baby liars) so many women with babies who always seem to come in on the easy side: they poop every three days, they take a bottle like a champ, they love to fall asleep in their car seats, and I've already talked about the sleeping thing. And don't even get me started on the women who post on the "I feel so gross, I haven't lost my weight" threads. I've clicked on those a few times thinking I'd found some kindred spirits, but I found women complaining that they have three pounds to go or they'd lost all the weight but they were still wearing that dreaded size six. Or they list their prepregnancy weight as 120. I flip off the computer screen sometimes. And I mean my middle finger, not turning it off. Then I make myself feel better by reading their profiles and realizing that they are 18 and living with their parents. Then I feel bad because I'm not being the bigger person...then I don't.

The thing that always gets me is that I always seem to come in on the other side. I haven't lost all my weight yet, and I definitely didn't weigh 120 when I started. Not to mention the baby stuff. We all know Declan isn't sleeping through the night, if anything he's gotten worse, he drools a lot, he is so so on the bottle thing, he wants to be held all the time, and he refuses to sleep in his car seat, swing, baby chair, and sometimes anywhere other than my arms. Dr. Sears calls him a "high need" baby. So do I.

I'll never forget this lady I used to work with who looked at me with pity in her eyes and told me that my next one would be a good baby because all babies can't be this hard. Her babies all slept through the night at eight weeks. Her labor was five hours long. She weighs 120.

*On an unrelated note, I'd like to share something that cracked me up yesterday. Allison Taylor emailed me to tell me that she'd been laughing all day about bigfatbaby. Her son Luke is nine months old and basically has the same stats as Declan so she's dubbed him littletinybaby. I told her I was jealous because at four months Luke's grandma probably didn't get winded holding him for five minutes.

Declan's First Cereal

So Rich and I are exhausted. Since he turned three months old, Declan's sleep habits have deteriorated. Now, he gets up as much as he did as a newborn at night. So we bought a sleep book, started charting his sleepy times, and obsessed over the possibility of a food allergy. Then we read up on teething and realized that he could start the process as early as three months. Great. Now, not only do we have a sleep problem, we've got a teething problem. Instead of making any decisions right away, we decided to wait until his four month appointment and ask the doctor.

Then I saw a tooth bud. What?!? Those aren't supposed to sprout until six months at the earliest! But there it was, white, lumpy, and on the bottom far-right inside of his mouth. Wait...aren't babies supposed to get their front teeth first? I did feverish research about irregular teething patterns and found out that they do exist, but they are rare. The only problem was that all of the pictures I saw showed teeth growing from the top of the gum line. This bud was most certainly on the inside of his gums. Instead of freaking out, I suppressed the images of sideways teeth protruding out of the mouth, jumbled and long, and yellow, and decided to wait until our doctor's appointment.

Now keep in mind that my doctor rolls her eyes at me a lot. Especially when I pull out the list of things I want to talk to her about. She mumbles something like "great, you've got a list". This all started at his one week appointment when I was convinced Declan was at risk for Autism because he wasn't making eye contact yet. And at his one month appointment when I wondered if she could tell me if he was going to have an "innie" or an "outie". You know, regular, pressing issues.

Anyway, the time came to show my doctor the tooth bud. She examined his gums and said that she felt the top and bottom teeth under the surface (my vision changed to only one mangled tooth sticking out of Declan's mouth) but said nothing about "the bud". Nothing! So I showed it to her. Or, I tried. It's not easy to get a four month old to keep his mouth open while you probe inside. "It's just normal gums" is what she said. What? Did she not see the white, protruding bump that looked like a tooth? Nope, she didn't see it. She just shrugged her shoulders and announced that he was normal. The imagined tooth shrunk back to a normal size in my head. Then I started imagining that it was a tumor...

Anyway, the point is that she recommended Rich and I give Declan some rice cereal. She said that because of his size he'd probably be ready. I really wanted to wait until six months. I enjoy breastfeeding and I do believe the longer the better. But, that wasn't in Declan's plan. As any of you with kids know, you kind of have to follow their lead once in awhile, and this was definitely one of those times. Declan has been waking up at night every three hours, starving. I can't make a bottle because the boy eats everything I make. And most of the time he's hungry again in under two hours.

I wasn't sure what to expect with the first rice cereal, but Declan, while not exactly as excited as I'd imagined, accepted it, as you can see. I wasn't sure if I'd call it a total success until I saw what happened afterward: Declan was in the best mood. I even took him to Target (his nemesis) and he just kicked and smiled and cooed the whole time. After that, I definitely consider it a success. Now time will only tell if it gives Rich and I some much needed sleep. I'm a believer in Murphy's Law, so chances are I'll be up all night, but here's to hopin'.