Thanksgiving

Money can't buy a wonderful family...I am truly blessed.

I'm one of those people who is always lamenting. I've just found that it's rejuvenating to admit those things that bother me. But, lately, with the sleep deprivation and the adjustment of the new baby, I think I've focused more on the downside of things. And don't get me wrong, in addition to adjusting to life with a baby, Rich and I have had a tough fall. Things just haven't been going our way. Things have been hard financially, Rich has been traveling to New Jersey for work, Declan hasn't been a great sleeper, and Rich's mom is sick. All of the stress has definitely taken a toll and sometimes it seems like things will never turn around.

But the thing that I didn't expect was that all of this hardship would humble me and make me more grateful for the things that I do have. It's amazing how being on a tight budget can make every opportunity feel so special. I think before this, I spent several hundred dollars a month on things like coffee and take out. I think Papa Murphy's is seriously missing all the money I was spending on pizza. What would Suzie Orman say?

Rich is gone part of the time and it's so hard to be on call 24 hours a day. Before Declan, I would spend my summer vacations reading and lounging. I don't think I'd even know what to do with a whole day, let alone summer, now. I used to get at least eight hours of sleep a night, and honestly it was more like nine. And I am not a nice person when I'm tired. It's like I'm the Hulk, but instead of turning green, I have crazy eyes and ratted hair. Either way, I scare people when I venture out in public. But again, I wouldn't trade all the free time in the world for the love and devotion I feel for my son.

I watched Oprah's pay it forward challenge the other day, and I could not stop crying. All of the stories were amazingly touching, but there were two that really made me stop and think about all of the amazing things in my life. One was a 75 year old man who had to drop out of elementary school to take care of his family. It was his life's aspiration, his highest dream, to learn to read. He had been auditing a first grade classroom and was reading at a first grade level, and the challenge winner decided to spend her $1,000.00 to buy him a box of books. And the look in this man's eyes when he opened this box was of such wonder and thankfulness. He was drawn to tears just looking at this treasure chest. And I couldn't help but think of how lucky this man would think I am. What could I possibly have to complain about? In addition to living in a safe community, with a college education, I have a warm home in the winter and a closet full of clothes...and bookshelves full of books I've read.

The other story was of a woman whose boyfriend had shot her in the face with a shotgun. This woman was horribly disfigured and the challenge winner gave her $2600 for a facial surgery. Here I am worrying about the last few pounds I want to lose or going to the store looking messy! On top of that, I have a beautiful, healthy baby. Which makes me want to tell another story from that show, but I won't. In fact, I could go through all of the touching stories and my reaction would be the same: I was just so struck by how much I take the ease and comfort of my life for granted.

Another inspiring experience I've had lately was seeing Jeanette Walls speak at KU a few weeks ago. She wrote a book about her life called The Glass Castle. Anyone who's read it knows where I'm going with this. Jeanette's parents did horrific things to their children. They watched the kids starve and bought themselves alcohol and chocolate. They exposed them to molesters and vagrants. The story is sometimes too horrible to believe and yet it happened. And it is happening for many people right now. But when I saw Walls speak, she said that when bad things happen, you can hold onto them because of their horror or you can look at them as opportunities to make a change. She called her worst memory, when her father offered her up as a prize in a pool game to an older man, a gift because it motivated her to get out. I've never seen that kind of hardship and I hope I never will.

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for perspective. Because I can see all the things I don't have or the mountain of things that I do. It just matters where I'm looking.

Sweet Home Kansas City

This weekend, Rich and I proudly brought Declan to Kansas City to meet some of Rich's best college friends. They were at a wedding that we didn't go to, so we only had a few hours to see one another. I was really touched when Rich told me that they were excited to meet Declan and wanted to make sure we could see each other even though Rich and I weren't going to the wedding. So, on Saturday, we put Declan in a great outfit, packed up all the toys and gear necessary for a visit, and took off for the Embassy Suites on the Plaza.

Whenever I go somewhere, I have a mental image in my head of what it might be like. Usually this isn't far off, but sometimes it differs greatly with reality. This was one of those times. As you all know, Declan is a crawling, pulling up, and cruising fanatic who loves to explore. I was thinking that an Embassy Suite would work out great and had envisioned little Declan exploring the room, being held by everyone, and doing all those little funny things babies do. Except I forgot that this was a male-driven outing. I don't know about you, but my husband, for all of his strengths, is not a detailed organizer. He's likely to accept what is put out instead of lobby for his way. Especially with his friends. So I heard and envisioned Embassy Suites while Rich envisioned the lobby bar at Embassy Suites, but no details were discussed, so we were given another reality altogether.

After we arrived at the hotel, the group told us that we were going to Charlie Hooper's. Which is a bar. Without windows. Or high chairs. Or a clean floor. Or ample lighting. Not even the door has a window. This is probably the worst place for a baby in the KC area. The guys were all drinking in between the wedding and the reception, which is what they've always done. And we were just going to go right along. Just with an infant. The line from Sweet Home Alabama just kept going through my mind, on a loop. "You have a baby! In a bar." Right before the girl starts talking about the Jacklyn Smith Collection from Kmart. But this was not my field trip, so I played along. Outside of my inner protests, everything went okay for about five whole minutes. But when Declan, who had about the same opinion of the whole baby in the bar thing as me, started howling, I eagerly threw him into the Baby Bjorn and walked around outside. Except it was 30 degrees. And Declan was throwing a baby fit.

So I went in and out of the three stores on the street. At Tuesday Morning, I created an enemy when I was looking at coffee pots (I needed one, so why not take a shopping opportunity?) while she was looking in the same section. After a few sideways glances at me and my red-faced baby she retreated to the housewares section. Maybe she was just eyeing the same pot, but it also could have been the Mariah Carey-like high notes coming out of Declan's mouth. Who knows? I think she might have complained to the manager. Whatever. I had bigger issues.

When it was obvious to me that I could 1. Not rejoin my husband and the merry drinking men and 2. not walk around and shop with my little one. I did the only thing I could do: I put him in the car and spent the next hour driving around Brookside. I sang along to the radio and looked at the beautiful houses, and Declan fell asleep. It was definitely one of those days.

Here's the kicker though. Declan usually eats at 5:00. We were on our way home from Kansas City around that time, so I decided that we should stop for dinner instead of enduring more cries on our long ride home. So we stopped, and the most amazing thing happened when Declan got out of the car. He got into his high chair, and grinned at me. Then he spent dinner alternating between stuffing grilled cheese in his mouth (not whole grain, not organic...don't judge me, we had a hard day) and turning around to the family behind us and grinning at their daughter. It was his first flirt. I think he was so relieved to be back in a familiar setting that he decided to reward us with some sweetness. Kids. Just when you think you've got them figured out...

Total Anihilation

It seems to me that parenthood is constantly filled with humbling experiences. That as soon as you are light on your feet and feeling proud of your excellent parenting, something comes along to knock you back down to size. We were doing good, Declan started crawling early, which has its own difficulties, but I was really proud at how well he was thriving. Declan opened up and became the smiley, happy baby I was worried would never come, and I was at least getting okay rest...

Then he got his teeth, and then the dreaded ear infection. Now, 10 days after we started antibiotics, Declan is still pulling at his ear, is almost inconsolable throughout the day, and he woke up every two hours last night. To add insult to injury, he was like this most of the week while Rich was in New Jersey, and Rich is traveling this week too. I've certainly been knocked back down a few notches.

I wonder if everyone feels so helpless or if it's just me. I still feel like a kid, and some days I just want it get easier. Then it does, but that's fleeting too. I did get some wisdom from watching Kung Fu Panda last night. No matter what you want it to be, a peach tree will always be a peach tree. Brilliant, right? Declan will always be Declan. Not the kid in my perfect world, not my friend's baby who sleeps, and smiles, and sits on laps, not the baby who can already wave bye-bye at eight months. Declan will always be the baby that crawls all over the story lady at the library. He'll always be the baby who wants mommy ALL the time. He'll always be the baby who sees an electrical cord 10 feet away and zooms straight for it and hates the stroller and the car seat and the playpen. He's a peach, not an orange. And with this timeless Disney wisdom, I must conclude that there are wonderful things about a peach. And then the cycle starts over again because I'm starting to feel proud. Crap. Something's going to erupt any second now.

On another note, there was a baby, for privacy reasons, we'll say she is a rhubarb, not a peach, who walked around to every kid at story time and took their toys. She'd take a toy and walk around with it, and eventually drop it and move on. And her mom didn't intervene until little Rhubarb, happily gulping on some milk from a sippy cup, took the cup and sheepishly gave it back to its original owner. Meanwhile, I practically had to pry Declan's death grip off of the story lady. It was like a moth to a flame. He saw her white hair and granny spectacles and fell in love. Maybe he'll like older women when he grows up. Oh, and by the way, that little girl, her name was actually Rhubarb. She had on turquoise, suede, American Indian style boots. Rhubarb. Do you think her mom would hate it if little Rhubarb decided she wanted to be called Barbie and dye her hair platinum?