Oh BOY!

I grew up in a female family. My dad was in my life, but day in day out I lived with my mom and my sister. And we did girly things. We shopped and cried, we took dance and voice lessons, and we thought farts and burps were gross. I even had two step sisters for 10 years, adding to my girly existence. Boys were a mystery to me. So much so that I spent most of my teens with debilitating long distance crushes. I always envied my friends who seemed to be able to relate to boys without any sense of fear. I was terrified. Cut to 15 years later, and I've just found out I'm having my second boy. So I've gone from boys being exotic and unrelatable to them being the only people in my immediate family circle.

When I envisioned myself as a mother, it was always, always with girls. Two girls that would be sisters who I could shop, cry, dance, and sing with. So when I found out Ooooh was a boy, I had my moment. Not only would I not have the two girls I envisioned, I won't have any. All the ways I imagined my motherhood going are now officially off the table.

There is a special kind of mourning that happens when what you believe will be your future becomes impossible. But, that's all it ever was. I was mourning an idea, not a real person, not a real relationship. I'll never get to do pigtails or pick out pink outfits and tutus and barbies. But along with any wistful hope out the window comes a fierce protectiveness for Ooooh and how much I love him already. I would never be upset at anything he is. Part of being a mother is the awe and adoration you feel for your children, and Ooooh is no exception. I won't have pigtails, but I will have him. And beyond a fantasy, I know to the depths of my being that I would never, ever trade the things that he will bring for what a little girl could. I am officially a boy mom, and I couldn't be prouder.

And my husband is a second boy. His parents were going to name him Amanda Lynn if he was a girl and I'm sure they felt the same sadness over their idea of what she was going to be like. But they got Rich instead, and I've never met anyone like him. I can only hope that Ooooh will be half as kind, selfless, smart, and handsome as his second son daddy.

So, what was once a mystery is now my reality. I can't wait to meet you, Ooooh.

Ooooh

Most of the baby books I've read say to wait to tell your child about your pregnancy until the last month. They simply don't understand the concept and will be confused.

But me, well I had to explain to Declan that there was a baby in there so he'd stop pouncing on me. He loves to "bop" and will say "Mommy, I want bop on you?" with a slight swing upward on the word you. He's learning how to ask questions. And sometimes he doesn't ask. He also doesn't ask when he head butts my stomach or drops an elbow on it. My son is not subtle nor does he understand the concept that hitting Mommy isn't a completely normal thing to do once every two minutes.

So, out of necessity, Rich and I explained that there was a baby in there so Declan couldn't hit Mommy's tummy. Then we asked him what he thought the baby's name should be. "Oooh" he said right away. And the baby became "Oooh" (as in Oooh and Aaah). He named two leopards in his book Tub and Dew, so I think Oooh is as good of a choice as we're going to get.

Then, we started to talk about what it will be like when he has a little brother or sister. We talked about how they can throw balls to each other and play together in the playroom. Then we kissed him and said good night with sweet smiles on our faces. Ten minutes later, Declan walked out of his room and called down to us: "we throw balls to each other?". And he spent the next twenty minutes or so in complete mind blowing excitement about having a playmate. Still, a week later at the most random times, he'll turn to me and say "Oooh play in my play room?". And tonight right before bed he said "Oooh gets the little swing". Yep, and Declan gets the big boy swing.

But I wanted to make sure he understood that there would be quite awhile between when Oooh comes (we explain it as when Santa gets here, Oooh will be here too) and when it's big enough to play. And afterward, Dec looked at me and said "I hold Oooh?", "I give Oooh kiss?". I mean...The Notebook tugs no heartstrings like a two year old's earnest heart.

Sometimes mommyhood is simply divine. We'll go ahead and skip my sleepless, cranky days this week and focus on what a sweetheart Declan is. I'm excited for my ultrasound next Friday. Not only will we hopefully find out the sex, but Declan will get to see Oooh. I can't wait.