Why the hell can't I keep up with something I love doing? And I don't mean going out for a glass of wine or talking on the phone or taking showers, though those things don't happen as frequently as I'd like either. Nope, I'm talking about blogging. During Declan's infancy I'd do once a week or once a month at the very least. Poor Wyatt, he's getting the second child shaft.
But let's be real, they're both getting the shaft these days. Trying to be supermom was something that always turned me off. It seems a little peacocky for my taste, and I'm not a perfectionist. I've come to accept that I'll never be perfect, and I wear that discovery like a badge. I may make it out of the house but someone will look like crap (usually me) and I'll forget something vital (usually for one of the boys). But now, I am running myself ragged staying up all night with Wyatt and keeping everyone happy, clean, and fed all day. And doing this alone Monday through Thursday is taking its toll on us.
And Declan loves to pull out his best move when he knows I'm attending to Wyatt. It breaks my heart to see him need so much more than I can give right now. Not that he needs to be coddled or babied, but I want him to feel secure and loved. It's driven me to tears that I have put Wyatt down while scolding Declan for bad behavior. Don't good moms have control in their household? Perfect, no. But I've always been capable and loving. I'm just not sure I can do that these days without my husband. I wish I wasn't so weak. I wish I was better. I wish I didn't have to tell my husband that I can't handle doing this alone. Wine helps though. I love wine. That's something good, right?
Seriously though, thank god Wyatt is such a good baby. He's super mellow and really smiley. Even when I'm having a tough moment, he'll just turn and shine that little dimple at me and I can instantly brighten up and forget all the challenges I'm facing. Who cares if there are dirty dishes in the sink and Declan's climbed on top of the kitchen table and hasn't taken a nap in a week?
And besides being very attention starved, Declan is amazingly still soaking up everything he hears. I taught him my phone number and instructed him to find an adult should he get lost (or accidentally left) and he promptly recited it back to me and went back to playing. He's also loving the movie Cars and Cee-lo Green (yes!). He's learning all the words to Satisfied and I am really loving being able to play music I like and not all that Elmo crap. Though I do have a friend who loves to jam out in the car to some Barney. If only I could be that simple. No, my Kanye and Jay-Z stays in rotation along with Wheels on the Bus. I may be dirty and helpless, but life without music I love would be my breaking point.
And can effing spring come already? It's currently snowing. Hopefully spring will bring sanity and sleep. Sanity and sleep. I'll keep chanting that and maybe it will work.
Oh, and here's a picture of my adorable children whom I adore completely and hope to be good enough for: 
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