My Spirited Child

One of my biggest challenges is balancing Declan's boundless energy and penchant for mayhem with Wyatt's separation anxiety. Because, of course, whenever Wyatt needs me, Declan magically appears. Actually he doesn't appear, he climbs, clamors, and elbows his way between me and Wyatt and, as if by magic, somehow headbutts me. Every time. I have a fat lip most of the time, and I'm just anticipating the day he knocks out one of my teeth.

Wyatt, on the other hand, is already 22 1/2 pounds and wants to be held all the time. You'd think I'd have ripped arms from carrying that around all day, but what I actually have is a stiff neck and back. And I think I'm developing something Quasimotoesque at the bottom of my neck.

So I've decided to seek outside help. I got a parenting book about "spirited" children, which is a nice way to say "crazy". We'll see if it helps, so far I've only had time two read the first chapter, and I think Dec got his hands on it and ripped out a couple of pages. Actually, that was a joke. What he did do today however was flush a whole role of toilet paper, dump out a whole bottle of hydrogen peroxide, and write all over the couch with black pen. No, he didn't take a nap or eat dinner. You can see why I need some help here. Declan is such an affectionate, enthusiastic child, and I just want to make sure that I can find a way to appreciate how wonderful he is and not, you know, focus on the fact that a few days ago he took my water cup and peed in it.

Let's face it, I'm out of my league doing this alone. I'm tapping my foot and chewing my nails waiting for some progress to be made. I've also taken to loudly and vehemently telling anyone who will listen that we will not be having any more children. Someone once told me a story of a woman who had four boys and they tied her up to a chair and she had to wait until her husband got home to be freed. If you've been reading my blog, you know as well as I do that something like that is in the cards for me. But once we are in Dallas there will be two parents with two children. Manageable. That's a good word, and one I'm looking forward to.

For now I'm trying to enjoy my wonderful friends and family in and around Lawrence. Apparently Fall in Dallas isn't quite the same as in Kansas, so I'm also making note of the beautiful red, yellow, and deep purple leaves in my neighborhood. And Wyatt's adorable teeth. They are my favorite things in the world right now. Staying positive people, staying positive.

Back To The Future

I can't believe it's been a month since my last blog post. I was telling my sister yesterday that a lot of times I don't blog because I've forgotten to take pictures of the places we've been. And, really, what is a blog about family without pictures?

The main happening in our house this month has been putting our house up for sale. Living in Lawrence, my hometown, has been peaceful but lonely. I love that I only drive 5 minutes to Declan's school, not to mention Raintree's unique kidtopia outdoors and friendly, progressive vibe. Declan has a best friend in his class, Owen, and it's hard to think that he will have to make new friends when there are so many wonderful people that love him here. So many people, minus one. Yes, Rich is here on the weekends, but as soon as Wyatt was born I knew my time juggling a traveling husband with mommy duties and the kinds of haze that comes with being alone or with little children all of the time. And our best scenario lets Rich keep his job and all of us get to see each other every day...in Dallas.

So now we wait. We wait for Rich to be officially transferred and for our house to sell and hope every day that those two things coincide nicely and we don't end up screwed by our house again (see 2008). It will be our fourth move together in 11 years and although it's never ideal to leave family and friends, being in proximity to people I love will never make Rich being away worthwhile. These precious boys need their daddy. I need him too. And I'm pretty sure it's got to be pretty lonely living a life in two places. Cowboy boots and big hair here we come! (Though big hair is impossible for me, so I'm just growing it really long).

Back To The Kids

Here are the highlights of my week, and as you can see by "highlights" I mean eventful happenings, some are not so high.

Monday: I wake up at 5:15. Declan is in my bed. Rich is gone. Wyatt wants to nurse. While nursing Wyatt in bed, Declan, mad that he's not included, starts pushing on my breast. "Hont, hont, beep beep beep, hont!" I am still half asleep. Later, after coffee and breakfast, I hurry into my room to get dressed. Wyatt starts screaming. Declan runs in: "Mommy, I bammed Wyatt and now he's crying" (pronounced cwyin) I find Wyatt with purple bruises already forming above his eyebrow and a huge black eye. WTF happened in the 10 seconds I was in my room? I will never know. Poor Wywy.

Tuesday: I don't really remember Tuesday. I'm sure things happened.

Wednesday: Wywy is 8 months old today! Wyatt is fussy all day and wants me to hold him. This is a difficult task because then Declan also wants me to hold him so, in short, both of my boys are attached to me all day long. This makes preparing meals and pretty much everything else extremely difficult. Every time I put down one of the boys, he cries.

Thursday: Wyatt's bruises are fading. Rich takes the early flight home (Win!) and then his plane gets a flat tire and he's three hours delayed (fail).

Friday: Declan comes into my bed at 4:00 a.m.. I spend the rest of the night contorted and wake up with a half stiff neck. At breakfast, I need coffee. This will take some maneuvering. I put in the waffles and start cutting up fruit. Then I start to clean out the coffee filter. Wyatt cries. Declan wants milk. Wyatt gets cheerios, Dec gets milk. I go back to making coffee. This pattern repeats 32 times. An hour later, the boys have eaten and I finally get to my bagel and coffee. Then Dec calls from upstairs. I look up and see him standing naked. He tells me he has poop and pee on himself. GREAT. Rich is gone all day doing community service in KC. I hate community service for the day. I understand this displays extreme selfishness. I'm too selfish to care.

Summer

So, two weeks ago my sister told me I was a loser. I was showing her my iPad apps and happened upon Tap Reef. I told her how it was a virtual reef and how I could breed fish and sell fish, and...buy more fish. And how I had to check it every few hours to make sure my fish were happy. Jess' smile turned to a dull stare. And, in only a way a big sister can, she told me that I was wasting my time and energy and that if I had time to do that BS, surely I had time to blog or learn how to quilt or do something creative and/or soul fulfilling. Now, I should be honest and say that had that been from most other people, including my husband, I would have brushed it off and felt a little stung, but the truth is, I knew she was right. I've often felt lazy and aimless and like I should be doing something more enriching with my "me" time. But somehow with all this time alone, I've resorted to filling it surfing the Internet and playing on my iPad, producing nothing, enriching nothing, and just...biding my time. Until what?

Well, our family has a lot of big changes on the horizon and while right now it's driving me crazy, pretty soon the waiting will be done. We are moving to Dallas. I'm not sure of the exact date, but I know it's Dallas, and I know it's coming. Mostly, I know when that happens I will get to see my husband every day and we can have a "real" existence without these bursts of family time and then long marathon weeks waiting for Rich to come home. There are many steps to go before we can finally be together, but at least we're on the ladder, right?

AND, I deleted Tap Reef. That, my friends, is the power of a big sister kick in the pants.

Spring

So I'm not as doomsdayish as I was the last time I posted, though I don't think I'll ever forget how hard that week was. It wasn't the sleep deprivation or the loneliness, it was wanting to give both of my boys undivided attention and full support. The good news is that we survived and that (at least I think) both boys still feel loved by their mama. Declan's still not napping and I'm still having a hard time directing that sloppy, physical tiredness into something productive or at least something that doesn't involve kicking me in the face or licking my arm repeatedly. Licking doesn't sound invasive, but imagine you are stuck in one place nursing and are fending off a toddler licking your arm over and over again, it's not fun.

And I'm thinking there's got to be some sort of magic transformation sometime soon because little Declan is headed to preschool. Yep, the licker, kicker, nose picker is headed to Raintree. If you are unfamiliar with Raintree, it's a Montessori school in Lawrence, KS. It has an excellent reputation, which is why I decided to send Declan there, but after my tour I'm both in awe of it and apprehensive about how Declan could possibly fit in there. The biggest shock to me was walking into a room of preschoolers and 1. not being noticed at all, 2. the room was completely quiet, and 3. seeing every single child in the room being completely focused on their individual project at that moment. Try and imagine this! Preschoolers quiet, focused, and learning. I'm not exaggerating one bit. And this is why I'm apprehensive.

Declan is my love. I adore how he sings Bob the Builder at the top of his lungs to wake us up in the morning and how he named two of his cars Bing Bong and Shling Shlong. And our new favorite activity is going on a bear hunt in the house which consists of turning on our light sabers, sneaking around corners, and then charging on the"bears" which are any of the pillows we have in the house, and stabbing and hitting them mercilessly. But not one of these things is done even remotely quietly. In fact, every conversation Rich and I have in his presence has a constant, full volume repeating sentence in the background. This child is not quiet. Ever. Except when he's asleep. But then he's snoring. So...ever. How in the world will he fit in this Utopian child learning environment? Um. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Wyatt, meanwhile, is my little smooshie sunshine. I am continually fascinated by how happy he is. He just loves to smile and giggle. He also has his dad's gift of gas (I knew there'd be at least one who got that trait). He's just started using his hands and is grabbing all his little toys. He rolls over a few times a day from tummy to back and I can see him working on his back to tummy. I think I'll have another early crawler. I was so proud of Declan, but I was hoping for a sitter this time around, especially because big brother toys are strewn everywhere. I'm going to have to quarantine this child or never, never leave him alone. Not to mention his brother's favorite game is "jumping over baby Wyatt". Oh well, all the lunging and screaming has got to burn a few calories, right? See, I'm taking Wyatt's sunshine approach. No shadows, just light.

I'm one lucky lady. I just got to look at the bright side.

Bloodshot Eyes

Why the hell can't I keep up with something I love doing? And I don't mean going out for a glass of wine or talking on the phone or taking showers, though those things don't happen as frequently as I'd like either. Nope, I'm talking about blogging. During Declan's infancy I'd do once a week or once a month at the very least. Poor Wyatt, he's getting the second child shaft.

But let's be real, they're both getting the shaft these days. Trying to be supermom was something that always turned me off. It seems a little peacocky for my taste, and I'm not a perfectionist. I've come to accept that I'll never be perfect, and I wear that discovery like a badge. I may make it out of the house but someone will look like crap (usually me) and I'll forget something vital (usually for one of the boys). But now, I am running myself ragged staying up all night with Wyatt and keeping everyone happy, clean, and fed all day. And doing this alone Monday through Thursday is taking its toll on us.

And Declan loves to pull out his best move when he knows I'm attending to Wyatt. It breaks my heart to see him need so much more than I can give right now. Not that he needs to be coddled or babied, but I want him to feel secure and loved. It's driven me to tears that I have put Wyatt down while scolding Declan for bad behavior. Don't good moms have control in their household? Perfect, no. But I've always been capable and loving. I'm just not sure I can do that these days without my husband. I wish I wasn't so weak. I wish I was better. I wish I didn't have to tell my husband that I can't handle doing this alone. Wine helps though. I love wine. That's something good, right?

Seriously though, thank god Wyatt is such a good baby. He's super mellow and really smiley. Even when I'm having a tough moment, he'll just turn and shine that little dimple at me and I can instantly brighten up and forget all the challenges I'm facing. Who cares if there are dirty dishes in the sink and Declan's climbed on top of the kitchen table and hasn't taken a nap in a week?

And besides being very attention starved, Declan is amazingly still soaking up everything he hears. I taught him my phone number and instructed him to find an adult should he get lost (or accidentally left) and he promptly recited it back to me and went back to playing. He's also loving the movie Cars and Cee-lo Green (yes!). He's learning all the words to Satisfied and I am really loving being able to play music I like and not all that Elmo crap. Though I do have a friend who loves to jam out in the car to some Barney. If only I could be that simple. No, my Kanye and Jay-Z stays in rotation along with Wheels on the Bus. I may be dirty and helpless, but life without music I love would be my breaking point.

And can effing spring come already? It's currently snowing. Hopefully spring will bring sanity and sleep. Sanity and sleep. I'll keep chanting that and maybe it will work.

Oh, and here's a picture of my adorable children whom I adore completely and hope to be good enough for:

The Corcoran Report

Someday when I get the time and motivation, I'll change the name of my blog. Because it's not just Declan anymore. Wyatt made his debut on December 10 at 3:03 am. And so far, knock on wood, he's a truly sweet baby. Rich has been home from work with us, so we're in that new family bubble, but so far, so good.

My last days of pregnancy were spent worrying about Declan: how he'd handle sharing me, sadness over sharing our special bond, and hoping he'd like having a brother. The result? A million Christmas presents. Like I had to ensure his Christmas was abundant because I knew he'd be going through a lot. And, like most big present times, half of them were thrown to the wayside immediately. The only glory going to anything to do with Thomas the train. Thomas has single handedly eased the transition and playing trains with Declan has been an easy way to connect with him one on one. And, really, Declan's doing great.

The other day, Wyatt was crying and Declan ran out of the room. Thinking he was upset, Rich ran after him prepared to console, but Dec quickly informed him that he was on his way upstairs to get Baby Wyatt a stuffed animal because he was upset. Cue parental pride and hearts melting. Yep, I think we're going to be okay.

Another thing that consumed me the days before Wyatt was born was how I'd bond with another child. My attachment to Declan is so deep and we've been a team for so long, I just didn't know how another child would affect that. And I didn't know how I would have enough love for both, especially since it was all given away already. But, the first night I spent in the hospital, the nurses undressed Wyatt so he would wake up to nurse, and I fell in love with him. That's really the only way I can explain it. Not so say there isn't a struggle to make sure I have enough time, attention, and cuddles for both boys, but there's no problem with my supply of love.

Another thing consuming our time is analyzing Wyatt's face to see how much or how little he looks like Declan. I think Rich and I were convinced that we knew how our DNA combined, and seeing this new face is just as intriguing as the first. So, I took a picture of Wyatt yesterday. He'll be one month old on January 10th. Along with it I have a picture of Declan seven days before his one month birthday. I can see it. Yep, definitely brothers.