Potty Training Side Effects

So Declan is now officially in the repeating stage. I whispered "damn it" a few feet from him the other day and for the next five minutes listened to "damn it" on repeat. He doesn't usually (and I say usually because this isn't the first bad word that my little angel has been exposed to) remember bad words much after the repeating time, but "stupid lady" has become a part of his vocabulary. I've heard that kids are mirrors and show us what we're really like. I'm becoming a supporter of this theory. Because, well, I say "stupid lady" a lot. But before Declan started repeating it, I would have vehemently denied ever saying that phrase. But my little mirror has shown me that I do in fact think lots of random ladies are stupid.

They say you learn something new every day. And in addition to repeating, Declan is coming up with his own ideas. Mostly they center around narrating everyday life, "we're going down a hill, mommy" or "Declan has milk in his stomach". But since we're potty training, some of it revolves around poop. Who am I kidding? We talk a lot about poop these days. And Declan has dropped some gems. I already talked about how he pooped on the couch, a highlight of my motherhood so far, but now he tells me he wants to poop all sorts of places: in his hand and in the yard are front runners.

My mom had two daughters. I remember her telling me with some disgust that one of my cousins had spread poop on the wall in his room when he was little. This could explain any trouble he ever got in. The poop was a sure sign that something was messed up there. And if this is the truth, I'm screwed! Declan will be a delinquent by 11! He had his own poop spreading incident a few months ago and now he's saying he wants to poop in his hand.

So maybe I shouldn't announce this on the internet. But why would I have a blog and not tell the truth? This world isn't just made up of picture perfect parents and children. Some parents have kids who use a pacifier until three, and some have kids who love to talk about all the places they'd love to poop.

Oh, and he decided to tell Rich and I the other day that "Daddy likes to poo poo in his underwear".

I try to be very firm and let Declan know that touching poop in any way is yucky and that poop belongs in a diaper or in the potty. But, when Declan dropped that Daddy bomb (which, for clarification, was completely out of nowhere) the floodgates opened and the tears started flowing. In fact, for the next week, whenever I thought about it, I'd break into giggles. Maybe Declan won't be a criminal, maybe he'll be a comdedian.

Baby and Me

I got two requests to start my blog again. I'm vain and easily flattered, so here I am.

So, I still have a two year old. And although he is occasionally prone to lying on the floor, overcome with emotion at the shear audacity of me saying something like "let's get in the car" or "no more juice", mostly two is an age I'm really loving.

Declan's always been, let's say...assertive, but now he's a straight up ornery little stinker. I love it. Tonight at the restaurant, Declan dropped his milk and instead of asking me or Rich to pick it up for him, he scanned the crowd and, making eye contact with anyone who would look back, began loudly announcing "everybody, I dropped my milk, everybody!" over and over again at the top of his lungs while searching the crowd for new friends. Because what's happening with him is, and should be, front page news at all times. If he can get an audience of strangers, he will let them in on every aspect of his life.

This week, on our way to the wading pool, we passed two men sitting on a bench. They were, um let's say, really enjoying their Wednesday afternoon. And they noted what a cute little kiddo I had with me. And Declan, basking in these drunk strangers' attention, let them know the most important development in his recent life. He turned to them and proudly announced, "I pooped on the couch" (he did) and while the men and I were laughing, he put the cherry on the stranger sundae and announced "and Mommy cleaned it up" (I did). Awesome. But it was not the end. After a full hour at the pool, we were traipsing back to the car, when we passed the drunkards' bench again. They, of course, remembered us. And Declan, he remembered them too. He approached the bench and pointed and started in again "I pooped on the couch!" he yelled. But I pulled him away before he could revisit the part about me cleaning it up. I could hear the men giggling all the way back to our car. I was completely sure that was the story from the day that they'd be bringing home. Buuuut, as I loaded Declan in the car, alas, they were being cuffed and stuffed into a cop car. I really hope it was for public drunkenness. But I'm still seriously contemplating getting a leash.

Because in December there will be two. Two Corcoran kids! I'll have to rename the blog. Right now it would be The Declan and Baby in My Belly Report. What do you think?

I am 14 weeks now and finally starting to feel better, although I did have to run out on Fox In Sox mid tongue twister to go throw up last week. I'm hoping that's the last time. Other than that, I've been really exhausted and poor Declan has watched way more TV than I care to admit. So feeling better is a really big deal around here. Mostly for Rich who has done the other half of the week's single parenting while I've been laid up in bed.

And when the baby comes, Rich will be home for two months, but then it will be back to normal. Which, for us, means Rich gone Monday through Thursday. Yes, I am already freaked out about how I will possibly get enough sleep or have enough energy to survive those early months. But, I'll have to do what I always do: get through it. There are a lot worse things in this world than having two children to take care of. I can do it. I may not be climbing up the corporate ladder, but I'm getting a crash course in management, let me tell you. And if all else fails, I'll get a nanny. Or maybe just a lot of take out.

I'll leave you with my favorite Declan quotes:


"I know, I know! How about...pretzels?" (at snack time)

"I'm being silly" (while laying on the floor flailing his arms and kicking his legs) Oh, and "silly" is pronounced "slilly"

"Declan gets a chocolate milk and a cookie" (right as Dec and Rich walk into Target while pointing to the Starbucks)

"Ryan, where are you, Ryan?" (after we saw his friend Ryan at Target and he walked off with his mom. This was also at the top of his lungs and repeated for five straight minutes)

Until Next Time...