Operation Chubby

So everyone keeps asking me how Declan liked Christmas. Ummm...he didn't know it was happening? He basically stared at all of his presents and ripped on piece of wrapping paper before moving on. He likes his new toys though, so the fruit of Christmas, or should I say the spirit of Christmas was greatly appreciated by my little papoose.

Declan had his nine month appointment on the 19th, and it didn't quite go as planned. While Declan's height is in the 95th percentile, his height/weight ratio is now in the 20th. What happened to my bigfatbaby? After mildly hyperventilating, I explained that he's been crawling and is extremely mobile and my doctor (you know what she thinks about my explanations) immediately gave me the business. She said all babies his age are extremely mobile so it doesn't count. Then she really freaked me out by telling me that babies his age really need fat for brain development. So you know what that means? The first time he struggles on a test or is slow to pick something up, I'll spend the whole week blaming myself for not giving him enough fat when he was 8 months old. It's okay though, I got her back by keeping her for another 30 minutes rehashing all the reasons why Declan might not have gained weight. Maybe next time she'll think twice before shaming me.

Needless to say, the moment I got home, I started Operation Chubby. I went to the store and bought $65.00 worth of full fat dairy products. That's a lot of dairy, people! Then I made him some new food and instead of steaming the veggies, I sauteed them in butter, and instead of using water in the puree, I used heavy cream. The result: deliciousness. As God is my witness, Big Fat Baby will rise again!

We doubled his meal portions (he ate it all) and started giving him snacks twice a day. And instead of saying no to cookies, I bought baby D his first Nilla Wafers. No more water to dilute the juice! He gets the good stuff now.

And after a week of this, I took him to the doctor to have his ears looked at. I was more anxious to weigh him than to find out about the ears (they are fine). All the fat and carbs have to be working, right? I mean, he is my son. His weight? 20 Fing pounds! Not 20.1, not 20.2. 20 on the dot. Seriously. We nearly doubled D's food, which he was totally receptive to and which really broke my heart because I became convinced I must have been starving him. But 20 pounds? Not even an ounce gained? He even looks chubbier!

Short of creating a butter IV, I'm not sure what I can do to make this kid a chubster again. But, damn it, I'm going to try. Wish me luck.

We are off to Mexico on Friday, which I'm sure will mean I'll have a ton to report when we get back, but once we return, I have to go into the doctor's office for an official weigh in. Yep, that's right, we have to check back up on his weight. Hopefully, he will have fattened up by then. Wish us luck!

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

Yep, we've reached that time again...teeth. Dec's top two are descending rapidly, and it's making the poor kid miserable. On the plus side, Declan's finally figured out that he can manipulate us, and is now super sweet right before bed time. And tonight he gave Rich and I the sweetest, most sloppy kisses. Then he bit me. On my lip, on my cheek, on my nose. It was like he didn't know what he liked more, kisses or bites. Yep, he's definitely teething.

He also got some of his first Christmas presents. And the most successful has been from his Uncle Scott and Aunt Amy. It's a little walker/scooter that helps kids with walking skills. Until today, Declan has seemed more than content crawling and cruising. He stands alone, but only by accident. When he figures out that he's not holding onto something he panics and drops right to the floor. Maybe it was because he still had something to hold onto, or maybe he just figured it out, but, after pushing the walker on his knees a few times, he started following with steps! I was so proud. I'm really looking forward to those first steps.

Declan's been crawling and cruising for awhile now, and he's gotten his share of bumps. I swear I'll be standing not an inch from him and still he manages to get multiple black eyes. It seems like the moment that one disappears, another shows up. Surely enough, today, after a bruise-free eye for a few days, Declan took a monumental spill while trying to push the walker and ended up with a welt and a puffy eye. Great. The Moms Club will probably think I abuse him.

On a lighter note, I finally got around to creating Christmas cards. They're my first. Usually, I'm all talk and no action, but yesterday I took 154 pictures of Declan and finally found two that were card-worthy. Then Rich helped with the wording, and I'm going to pick them up Monday. Now I've just got to get them addressed and stamped...let's hope they get out by Christmas. Wish me luck!

Moms' Club of Lawrence

I found out that there's a moms club in Lawrence and was so excited to actually venture out of my safe, little bubble. Of course nothing ever goes as planned though. This is the story of my life.

So I got an email from the membership chairman and she told me that they were having a meeting on Wednesday at 4:00 and that they had a babysitter for the kids that only cost $1 per mom. I decided that nothing was going to keep me from this meeting.

So on Wednesday at around 3:00, I started getting ready. Declan was a little fussy, but I was determined. I wanted to appear stylish but casual, so I put on a v-neck t-shirt and a cardigan. I had just taken a shower and my hair air dried nicely, so I actually felt pretty good. Then I got Declan ready. He was fussy, and as we progressed, what started as a whimper, evolved into a full-blown tantrum, but, frazzled, I soldiered on. I was not going to miss this meeting.

I ignored the cries and forced Declan into his coat. I set his hat and gloves out to make sure I didn't forget, and went downstairs to check the location. Nope. No getting on the computer for me. The coat had only intensified Declan's rage and now he was demanding to be held or scream bloody murder. So I called Rich in New Jersey and had him look up the location, which turned out to be harder to find than I thought.

So I packed Declan up, it was now 3:55 and we needed to go. I improvised and luckily the meeting place was pretty close to our house. I got there at 3:59. Success!

And as I watched all the moms bring their kids into the meeting place, I checked my quarter stash for the $1 babysitting fee and...nothing. Turns out Rich had taken the quarters for the toll that Monday. Great. I almost turned around. I didn't want to be that one person that wasn't together enough to pony up for the babysitter. Especially when it was only $1! I wanted to find some good networks and new people to interact with and we all know first impressions are important.

But I had worked hard to get there, so I hoped they would forgive me. Then I realized I had never gotten the hat and mittens on Declan, so on the cold, windy day I watched all the warm, cozy, well taken care of, children gather for the meeting. And I sheepishly grabbed Declan and brought him inside as soon as possible.

I'm the kind of person that likes to point things out before other people notice, especially when they don't know me, just so they know that I know what's missing. It's like letting them know that I really have it all together, this is just an exception. But, truly, I don't really have it all together. Who am I kidding? Anyway, the first woman that said hi to me got an earful about Declan's missing hat and mittens and my lack of a dollar. She was nice and seemed a little surprised I was so worried. I think I was also a little too much for her because she didn't really talk to me again... Oh well, there were lots of women. Maybe one could be my friend.

But I wasn't done yet! I introduced myself to the club's officers and let them know that I was new. I was carrying Declan and talking and it took me a minute to notice that when I had hoisted Declan up, he had moved my cute v-neck down. And the whole time my bra had been showing. Yes, first impressions people. And I had to tell the officers I didn't have my dollar. While my bra was showing. Sweet.

They were all nice and the meeting started. Declan was actually playing really well and his fussing magically stopped when he spotted kids and toys. I was keeping an eye on him, mostly because I felt so self-conscious and it gave me something to do. But, when they started the meeting I was doing my best to be attentive and redeem the whole bra thing when Declan took a big spill. He started screaming, and I rushed over. So I picked him up, and in an effort to quiet him down while the group leader was talking, I gave him one of the Nilla Wafers that were offered for snacks. Now, it's important to note that we've made a significant effort to feed Declan wholesome food. He's never had a cookie. Turns out he likes them, a lot.

Declan took that cookie and shoved the whole thing in his mouth. He couldn't even chew it! It just sat there, bulging out of his cheeks. And he had this look on his face daring me to even think about trying to take any of it out. So I had no choice but to watch as he sucked on the whole cookie. Slurp. Slurp. Slurp. And Nilla infused spit started spewing from his mouth down my black cardigan. Bra showing again. Wiping spit up. Bulging mouth. Smile, just smile.

The meeting ended quickly, but it was 4:45 and I know my baby well enough to know that I had about 5 minutes until the final countdown, so I quickly left. But not before requesting the play date calendar. Hey, they all may run when they see me coming, but I'm coming damnit! I didn't go through all of that for nothing!

When I got in the car, I saw that my stylishly air dried hair had turned into the pre hot oil part of the VO5 commercials. Gary Busey in the house!

The Final Meltdown do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do

Just a few snippits of info and some cute pics. Since they're unrelated, I've decided to do a top ten list ala Letterman.


Top Ten Reasons Declan is Hilarious

10. Where's Waldtoe?


9. Solid Food

8. Super Declan!

7. His New Winter Hat and Mittens

6. He Loves the Ladies


5. But Not More Than He Loves Mommy
4. And Daddy

3. He Likes to Carry Socks In His Mouth
2. He Uses Two Spoons

1. He Loves Those Bubble Baths!