Sloppy

There's a girl I know from high school and I'm 100% sure she doesn't read this blog so I can be frank. I just saw this girl at the grocery store. And, as always, not only were her two boys quiet and well behaved, she looked great. Great outfit, hair blown dry, make up, the whole nine yards. She drives the car I want and she's skinny. Now, without a doubt every time I see this girl, I am without makeup, have not showered and a little bigger than I was in high school...and that's not pregnant. Today, I have the pregnancy crop top going on where my belly creeps out of every shirt I wear. I was also teetering with a small crop of groceries in my hands and tugging and nagging at Declan, who was wearing his Halloween jammies at noon. Yes, I should have put him in the shopping cart, even for just a few items (that's what she did). And usually I can make some sort of excuse for my hectic presentation. But today...I just felt sloppy.

She is the representation of everything I wish I could be: in control, looking good, and fit. Instead, I can barely stand to take Declan anywhere these days because my energy level is so low. Trust me, there's nothing I would be prouder of than to be one of those women who exercise all pregnancy, gain the minimum amount of weight, and look great all the time. But those things couldn't be more opposite from my pregnancy experiences, especially this one. I'm crampy, uncomfortable, massive, and tired.

I know I'm creating a wonderful life inside me, and I wouldn't give up the gift that Oooh will be for anything, even a perfect body and wardrobe. And I read today that the key to happiness is gratitude. So I know I need to be grateful for this little boy. There are so many women who are struggling with difficult pregnancies or even getting pregnant at all, so I don't want to diminish how lucky I am, I think I'm just getting to that place where I want my body back, my energy back, and to return to "normal".

Wait, what was that you said? Oh yeah, normal isn't even close to happening anytime soon. As soon as Oooh comes there's the sleepless nights, spit up, worrying about SIDS and pacifiers and what foods I eat that could give him gas. Not to mention recovering from birth and adjusting to having two kids to take care of once my husband goes back to work and is gone again every week.

Wasn't I saying something about being grateful? Maybe I'll let myself feel bad today and tomorrow I'll be grateful. Yeah, that sounds good. Now I need another cookie.